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How Do I Go About This In A Polite Way?

My dad and step mother have been asking to babysit for my children (ages 2 and 3). This may sound good, but I am not comfortable with it. My dad has abused me in the past and my step mother and I have never gotten along. I don't trust them in our house alone. I don't trust them with the children. I have observed how these two interact with my children. My dad is good, but my stepmother just doesn't interact and does what she wants to and tries to force the children to do it also. I don't know how to tell them I don't want them watching my children. I don't want to be ugly or mean.

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Bugbait

Asked by Bugbait at 12:55 PM on May. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,332 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Just tell them you have it handled already.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:56 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • There is no polite way to tell them you don't want them to sit because you're concerned about abuse. You are just going to have to be firm and sweet - along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable with it" and leave it there. If they really press you for reasons, I think you'd be in your rights to reference the abuse you faced as a child. Remind them that, as the mother, you have to make decisions which make you comfortable. Tell them you love them and that you will continue to allow the children to see their grandparents, but not without you being around at the same time.

    It's a tough position and I really wish you luck. I think being firm, direct, and unemotional is the best way to deal with this.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 1:00 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Don't let them know when you are in the need of a sitter. and gdiamante's right......tell them, sorry, plans are already made for the time they want to babysit..........Good luck mama!!!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 1:00 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I think you just need to tell them that you are not comfortable with them babysitting right now, maybe one day that will change but right now it just isn't going to work for you. If they press you on why then I would let your Dad know that the history is what it is and that is holding you back from being able to trust them alone with your children right now. I think that is a very legitimate concern. I assume you are ok with the participation they have with your children as it is now, so let them know that but be firm that it can't go any further than that at this point. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:06 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Find someone else to sit for your kids and let them know you have it handled. I don't blame you at all, you don't want people taking care of your children that you can't trust. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:07 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • if they persist and u dont want to hurt their feelings i would say let them take the kids to a public setting alone. that way they really wont be alone with the kids but they will feel they are gettin some quality time with them. its upto u though. u r their mama and you know whats best. good luck!
    wootens91

    Answer by wootens91 at 1:08 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Just say " i really appreciate your offer, but I already have someone lined up to watch the kids..maybe next time" and keep putting them off about it, eventually they may stop asking.
    Thier YOUR children ..you dont ahve to let anyone you dont want to watch them, watch them. You don't need reasons for it either.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:18 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • If it was sexual abuse than NO, never would he watch or see my kids. If it was physical or verbal and you know or are confidant that he turned from all that, I would give it a try.
    amberpatterson

    Answer by amberpatterson at 7:34 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • your priority is to your kids first not your dad and stepmoms feelings ... b honest and blunt nothn wrong with protecting your kids
    andrea937

    Answer by andrea937 at 8:55 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • If he abused you in any way then there is no reason to allow him to be alone with you children. Even if he has 'changed'. You are doing the right thing. Just say 'No thanks we are good.' and if the issue is pushed be honest.
    BetcCarter

    Answer by BetcCarter at 1:12 AM on May. 12, 2011

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