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I have joined moms groups, gotten women's numbers from the park, etc and have been to countless play groups. I call people to try to get together either just women or to have our kids play together. All of my pre baby friends pretty much disappeared the day I announced I was pregnant. My son is now almost 4 and I feel like a f*cking loser. What is wrong with me!?

I'm not a gossip, I listen, my children are well behaved and considerate- I am at a total loss. I feel like I am failing my children and as a woman bc I have been unable to make a single friend for so many years. What can I do. Thanks for any advice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on May. 11, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • where are you? I would be your friend if you was close.................GL

    Answer by buttonlts at 1:53 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • You're not failing anyone. You may be looking in all the wrong places. Do things that interest you. Friends come from mutual interests.

    All my friends are work-related, because we have mutual interests.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:54 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • First off, don't feel bad. It happens to the best of us. I myself can't seem to keep friends either. :) My boys are 2 and almost 4 and we have no friends. We go to story time at the library and the other mothers group together in their own cliches and my boys and I feel like outsiders. The kids follow their mom's examples and don't like playing with my boys. My boys are good boys too, so I do not understand why either. The only place my kids have fun is McDonald's on the playground. I know it is not my boys, because when my oldest was in preschool in Oklahoma, everyone loved him, especially all the little girls in his class. :) We dress nice and I make them mind, so obviously it is everyone else that has a problem not me. So to make a long story short, I feel your pain, and don't worry about it. It is kinda like high school, people are stupid, they either like you or they don't and if they don't then that's their problem. :)

    Answer by AndreaW2kids at 1:56 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • P.S. You sound like a nice person to me.... if that helps any. :)

    Answer by AndreaW2kids at 1:56 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • This is so hard and I have felt the same way at times. Being a SAHM is really hard and one of the hardest parts is feeling alone. I find that the older you get, the harder it is to make real friends. At other times in my life, I've been so nervous about making friends, feeling like a loser, that I'm being too careful, not being myself and that can put people off.

    Keep trying. Eventually you'll click with someone. But these toddler years are really tough on everyone! ((hugs))

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 1:56 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I lost a lot of friends after my baby was born. I chose to devote my time to my child and not go out and party like other people in my age group, nothing to be ashamed about. I would take the few "real" friends that I have over a bunch of "friends" that I don't really know. Like the poster before me, I'll be your friend, always here if you need to talk or anything. Keep your head up.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:57 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • if you ever need to vent, or chat i'm here... just hit me up. .. keep your chin up doll.....

    Answer by kkbird at 1:58 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I know how you feel, I really do! I have reached out and tried to make friends around my area and I can have a play date and then never get a second one. one woman I had a play date with told me she felt like a man for not going on a second playdate or even calling me back and she laughed it off, haahaa..whatever she still had friends to fall back on and I had none. Making friends as a mom can be frustrating and there is just so much more venting I could do on this topic because I could go on and on about about how difficult other women can be to make friends with.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:16 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I feel this way sometimes too. Where do you live?

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 2:26 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Yup. I have social anxiety, and I bet I come off as "weird" somehow. If you are anxious or have had these issues before, there is a chance you are doing something totally unknown to you: like twirling your hair on a finger, or maybe when you're relaxed, you look sad or angry and you don't know it, or maybe you're shy and seem standoffish or something? If there were someone honest you could ask, you could see if there was something you could work on. Apparently common among the shy because (1) we may be shy because we haven't had a lot of luck (2) we don't always have close friends who will tell us.

    The PP who mentioned trying for friends with similar interests hit it with me. My interests are unusual. Can't bring myself to scrapbook, like my friends, but want to swordfight or whatever. I REALLY like people with medieval interests, and plan to hunt them down soon (none that are around have small kids). Join an interest group!

    Answer by Tracys2 at 2:43 PM on May. 11, 2011

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