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2 Bumps

How long to get over adultery?

How long did it take you and your SO to get over an affair? Would you say you went through all the stages of forgiveness? (1. denial,(trying to ignore it, maybe flat out denial etc) 2. anger, 3. bargaining (ill forgive you under this circumstance etc. or I need this first) 4. forgiveness

I feel like we hit denial for a long time and I am not sure if we already got through anger and are hitting bargaining or are stuck in the middle. Statements like "I need to see proof you mean what you say " or "Earn the trust back, do something" are somewhat bargaining. They are like saying "I might forgive you, if you do something about it", but the pain is still real and the anger somewhat but not nearly as angry as it used to be. Does this sound about normal?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on May. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Some people never get over it. And that is perfectly normal.

    What you are calling "bargaining" is what I would call controlling behavior and not at all normal.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 3:57 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I don't think I could. Who knows. Just take your time and know that whatever stage you are in is normal for you. Good luck!
    sneakyboo

    Answer by sneakyboo at 4:00 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Hello? Totally depends on the person, and if they even want to get over it.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 4:00 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Yep you got it ) Sounds like what ever is going on the "hurt" person really cares for the other and taking the time trying to get passed it. I don't think we went through all stages you refer to, but for us, I just didn't talk to the person anymore, and he cut off their friendship for a while, eventually, well after about six month DH and him started hanging out again, but me I don't even look in his direction, his name makes me naucious. Not to sugar coat what I did, b/c to my DH it might as well have been sex, but it was a drunken kiss that I don't even remember. He trusts me again now or he would've left already, it's been 1 1/2.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:01 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I would never forgive such a betrayal, it would be the end of the relationship for me.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:02 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • You don't know until your in those shoes, you say that now, but an affair does so many things to a heart.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:08 PM on May. 11, 2011

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