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2 Bumps

Everyone calls him controlling

Everyone says my husband is controlling including my mother. People online say it when they hear short stories, people in person say it when they think it is safe to say like back when we had a separation. I know he is controlling sometimes. is it "bad" that I just let it happen? I love him, I feel like I would give him anything including control sometimes.

It has been this way for years. Is this that unusual? I suppose it seems normal to me, it is just my life.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on May. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • If you are ok with controlling and happy this way, power to you.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:05 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I don't think so. This makes me think of Dr. Phil or Maury or something, these women go on after years and years of controlling husbands, which I consider abuse, its mental abuse. What does he do that people consider controlling?
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 4:05 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I guess the real question is do YOU feel that he is controlling...it's easy for someone to judge another persons situation when they are on the outside looking in
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 4:06 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • There is a fine line between controlling and abusive. I know that I would not tolerate either one, but I would certainly hope that he does not cross that line.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 4:06 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • If that is what you want then it's none of anyone's business.

    Now, if you had a problem with it, you should fix it.

    There are women who like to be controlled and don't have to make a lot of decisions then, there are those that don't like to have power taken from them.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:06 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Controlling is not normal nor is it healthy. Noone belongs to anyone. You are you're own person.
    Strenght203

    Answer by Strenght203 at 4:14 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Are you the wman whose husband is mking her air out all your dirty laundry before you can "earn" his forgiveness and get couples counselling? Because that just isn't right! You should be equals in arelationship. And if you are going to let him be this way you hve to know in your heart that he is thinking of the wellbeing of you and his family when he mkes all the decisions. If not, then you are just a doormat
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 4:14 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I'm not one to jump up and say 'oh he's controlling you should leave him blah blah blah, but, if there's something I've learned over the years watching people who have a spouse that's controlling, it's that the controlling usually ends up turning to abuse after so long. Don't get me wrong, not saying that's what happens 100% of the time, but being controlled means that the partnership isn't equal and that doesn't live on to be a healthy relationship.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 4:21 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • My own personal opinion is that controlling behavior is not a good thing, and is one of the 'red flags' for abuse. I also think that a marriage should be a partnership where both are equal- not a dictatorship where the hubs is the one in control and in charge and tells the 'little woman' what to do, when to do it, how to do it..... That would not sit well with me. I am my own person and I would not allow my hubs to 'control' me or dictate what I can/can't do. But as I said, that is me and my opinion.

    Now for you and your husband I guess the question is- does it bother you that he is controlling? If it bothers you then you need to stand up to him and tell him to back off. If you can honestly say it does not bother you and you are happy to live like that, well then tell everyone that it is your life and to mind their own business.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:23 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • I think it depends on your situation. I'd like an example of what they consider controlling. My sister and best friend used to get mad at my SO because he didn't want me hanging out with everyone while I was trying to quit drinking... NOT BAD FOR ME AT ALL... Sometimes men (or women) need to take charge of the other person in the relationship, but ONLY if it is for the individual's best interest. If they are telling you what to wear or something like that it's for themselves, and that is WRONG.
    SonyaNaomi

    Answer by SonyaNaomi at 4:34 PM on May. 11, 2011

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