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How would you handle this?

I'll try to make this short. My SIL is a single mother of 2 kids, with 2 different men (maybe that's irrelevant). She likes her beer. I like my beer too, but on mere occasion. Her and my MIL (her mom) have not been getting along and in the past months, my SIL has cut off communication with her and most of the family. Basically, "anyone who associates with her mom". In the midst of this, she deprives her children as well of family. All my MIL wants to do is see her grandkids, and she's heartbroken by this whole fiasco because she used to watch them at least 3 days a week, if not more. Now, by a court order that my MIL fought for to have grandparent rights, she see's them once a month. SIL likes to drink, alot, and i myself have seen her get a little tipsy and then drive off with kids in tow. My nephew turned 8 in March, and we had a little birthday party for him at a cousin's house since she never threw one for him (or she just didn't invite important people in his life). She wasn't at the party and when he was brought back home, she came outside with her sunglasses on (not sunny out) and looked a tad disshoveled. He was so excited to show his mother all the birthday presents he got and her only response was "yeah, more toys. Like you need anymore f***ing toys. Get in the house." Nice right? Just this past saturday she had a birthday party for my niece, who just turned 5. Of course, the only reason we knew about it was because the week before her aunt had just happened to mention her throwing a party for my niece at her house. I couldn't help but notice the sad expression in my boyfriends face as he shrugged and said "yep, that's my selfish sister for ya". It's really such a sad situation. I for one am also maddened at the fact that when i was pregnant, all i heard was how excited she was to be an aunt. My son will be a year old next month and she has seen him maybe 3 or 4 times. My last attempt was christmas. I sent her a friendly text saying "Merry Christmas Aunt Tay, Love Damian, hope you and the kids have a great day". Nothing. And not a word since. She's a very selfish woman, who proudly claims that she will do whatever she pleases and that no one will have a say and they can f*** off if they have a problem. Well, yes, dear SIL, i do have a problem. You have 2 children that need a sober, mentally balanced mother, not some drunk tramp who can't be bothered with them. I see this has turned into a vent, and I apologized, but I am just so disgusted with her. My boyfriend doesn't want to invite her to our son's first birthday, but i've chosen to invite her anyway. I will give her the benefit of the doubt, and afterall, she is my son's aunt, by blood anyway. If she doesn't come or even acknowledge his birthday, that's her decision. But I don't ever want to hear her call herself an aunt. Period. Has anyone experienced anything similar with family members or people you thought were one way, but turned out to be the complete opposite?

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Asked by DJsMommy610 at 5:03 PM on May. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,935 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I've known people like that. I am sorry that this is happening. She has made her choices and unless she wants to change, it won't happen. Maybe losing her kids will drop a brick wall on her head.

    Answer by Suzi at 5:09 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • No one has called CPS on her yet? She obviously is not taking proper care of her children. Even if she isn't abusing them physically, imagine the emotionally damage they are going to grow up with. My best friend's sister was like that and her mom was about to call CPS on her but before she could the selfish ***** dropped her kids off at her mom's house and just left, she eventually had her parental rights terminated and her mother is raising them. There was one time my aunt was suppose to babysit my two daughters while I went to a prenatal appointment when I was pregnant with my twin boys - I got to her house and you could tell she was f*ked up the moment she answered the door. I not only left with my kids, I invited my 11 year old cousin to hang out with me and the kids and he practically ran out of the house for my car.

    Answer by anon1986East at 5:12 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like you guys need an intervention.

    Check out the Book "Love First". It is fantastic.

    There is nothing you an do outside of forcing her into rehab, to change how she is. She is an addict. It is appropriate for you to nit allow her to drive the kids around drunk. If she does, call the cops.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 5:12 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Actually, my MIL did call cps on her once. That's when the bulk of the drama REALLY started. It went from petty to outright crazy!!

    Comment by DJsMommy610 (original poster) at 5:15 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Like anon1986East's cousin, I would have RUN towards ANY opportunity of a sober, stable family. I was raised by an alcoholic. I was verbally abused by as a child by another alcoholic. I was born premature because of alcohol. I choose not to drink.

    When my 7 year old was about 3-4 I had had a couple of those Smirnoff Black Cherry (yummy!) mixed/malt drinks. I started laying into him like I had been laid into when *I* was a child. The look of fear, hurt, and betrayal in his eyes stopped me cold. That was the last drink I ever had.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:36 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Why would you WANT her around your child? That is my only question...

    Answer by BetcCarter at 12:56 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Because I think she's not a bad person, she's just troubled and needs some tough love and some kind of positive direction. Obviously I don't WANT her around if she's intoxicated but she is still family and the last thing someone with addiction needs is for their family to turn their backs. To completely shun her would be to shun her kids as well, and that is not going to happen. I'm just irritated that no one can seem to break through the wall she's built. I don't want it to get to the point where drastic measures have to be taken for her to come around. Unfortunately, its a lot harder to convince everyone else that she needs help and not a cold shoulder. I alone just can't do it. I know some bad people, and I don't think she's one of them. She needs guidence.

    Comment by DJsMommy610 (original poster) at 9:32 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • YES YES I undersatand YOU What ever its is your situation Always THINK THINK and have a
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    ¸.•´ (¸.•´ * Happy Thursday !!

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 1:07 PM on May. 12, 2011

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