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2 Bumps

What can I do about my children?(Long)

First Question: My DS is 3 1/2 and DD is almost 2. They are both still in diapers. Potty training is going all wrong. We have tried giving rewards when successfully going(i.e., 1 cookie for #1 and 2 cookies for #2), taking them to the potty all day everyday, showing by example(DD with Mommy, DS with Daddy), Letting them go naked, etc. DS will use to potty chair, but only a small percentage of the time. He asks to go, but doesn't always go and will get up after just a few seconds most times. DD, well, she has yet to use it once and only seems to want to sit on it because her brother does. We do encourage them to go and never tell them no and always praise them even when not successful. I'm getting heat from my family saying things like 'you're a bad parent', 'my kid's were potty trained by the time they were 1 1/2', 'I could have them potty trained in a week or less.' That last one I did tell them they were welcome to try, but they refused. What can I do?

Second Question: I understand that my kids are in the terrible 2s and horrible 3s and know that they will have their bad moments, but this is getting ridiculous. They will not listen to a word I say. They destroy the house not even a day after it is cleaned. Time outs do not work, neither does a smack on the behind. They always wake up before me and get into everything. Just last week they took everything out of the fridge and destroyed it. They have destroyed 3 computers and an android phone. If DS is by himself, he will behave like he did before DD was born, so I know DD is the instigator as I've seen it myself. Funny thing is, they are little angels if we go somewhere or if they spend the night somewhere else. They semi listen to DH so everyday I count the minutes for him to come home. The moments they are good is getting rare. I even let their naps go on for as long as possible as it's so peaceful. What can I do to get them to listen to me?

 
JosHaileyMom

Asked by JosHaileyMom at 5:07 PM on May. 11, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 5 (64 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • 1. potty training your son sounds like its on the right track because he does tell you he needs to go and sets there a second. My son did that about 3 months before I went cold turkey no diapers for a weekend and we have never went back. baby girl is probably just not ready yet. they have to be physically and mentally prepared. If it were me, I would stop w/ dd and focus on Ds only- get him done and focus on her in a few months.

    2. #1 dont rely on dad- find what makes them mind you (reward of going outside-if they behave) #2 never let them get up before you, even if you have to set a clock. #3 go outside more so they play/mess out there and not in the house #4 put one in one room of the house to play with a baby gate and the other in another room w/ a baby gate- make them toy rooms (kid safe) for some sanity. #5 give them chores, yes even kids this age can help clean up toys or take something to the trash, ec
    2teens2LOs

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 10:19 AM on May. 12, 2011



  • You need to call Super Nanny!

    LOL...

    No, really what you need to do is be consistent at all times. Why do you think they behave differently for you and your husband?
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 5:11 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Oh, you have two at a really hard age at the same time . . . . it is hard mama!

    hugs.

    Don't stress about the potty-training. They will get there when they are ready. Most people who give the "I did this, I did that" talks are not telling you the truth. They embellish . .. so don't go by their ages. Just keep up with the rewards, and they will get there.

    All toddlers get into stuff. If they are waking up before you, make sure you have a safety gate up at their doors so that they don't roam before you realize they are up. At those ages, they cannot be alone unless sleeping, because they are not safety conscious.

    Time outs are much preferred over spanking . . . and no discipline for a toddler is immediate . . .it can take dozens of times before they start to comprehend.

    Once they are a little older,mama, it will be sooooo much easier. Four and a half is usually quite delightful. Just hang in there!
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 5:23 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • My son wasn't potty trained until he was 4. We did EVERYTHING! what finally worked was making our own calendar and adding a sticker for every day that he went accident free. Once he got 10 consecutive days he got to go on a ferry ride and get ice cream. That was his "currency". All kids have it, it's all about finding out what it is and using it effectively.

    As for the rest of it kids need a clear, consistent, predictable action-consequence. Kids, especially at their age, THRIVE on predictability. That's why they want to watch the same movie/cartoon/show 20 times in a row.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:46 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • Do not give them warnings. My son and niece are 3 weeks apart and when they were 3 it was... bad. In the time it took me to go potty once (i was quick!) they climbed up to my fish tank and put guppies in my bed. When i put them in time out, my niece said "No auntie, you tell us no, but we not in trouble." After i had warned them and explained the fish tank is not a toy, etc. So i stopped warning. If they misbehave and know what they are doing is not ok, like drawing on the wall with my lipstick, they get immediate punishment. Plainly ignoring me will get you a swat. After i started this, the kids acted muuuuch better. Perhaps they listen to Daddy because he is not the one following them around all day, but they have to learn to listen to you. You are the mom, not the babysitter. That was my mantra when they started crying and saying i was mean.
    CoiaCuppcake

    Answer by CoiaCuppcake at 8:01 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • lol super nanny... haha thats what i was going to say... my son is one and acts just like your chilfren, so i need help too. lol. i wonder how much super nanny is...
    dement

    Answer by dement at 5:24 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • So the main consensus is to be patient for the potty training? We've been working on this for two years. :( We only have six more months to train him before we can send him to school. To bad, there aren't professionals to help out. Or if there are, they are not listed in the phone book, lol. I wish I could get Super Nanny! As far as consistency goes, we have been consistent. I have the same rules as DH and I follow up with my threats/promises. But they even disobey DH, they only listen to him about 1/2 of the time, whereas with me, they don't listen at all.
    JosHaileyMom

    Comment by JosHaileyMom (original poster) at 7:44 PM on May. 11, 2011

  • first of those people saying kid was potty trained at 1 1/2 are LIARS!!!
    mkdirector2011

    Answer by mkdirector2011 at 7:00 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I would love to be able to separate them and if I had my old apartment, I would, but we only have two combined bedrooms and a bathroom and small kitchenette. There's no place to set up a baby gate and even if there was, it wouldn't be safe as they tend to climb them. I take them to the park once a week, so, they do get out, and as it's practically around the corner, I wouldn't mind taking them everyday as a reward. As far as waking up before them, I work overnight and need a tiny bit of sleep to function. I get home at 6 and wake up at about 7:30-8:00, which is only 1.5-2 hours of sleep. Alarms don't wake me up for that reason, but my kids do, I could stay up, but then I would get NO sleep until thurs and fri when DH is off.
    JosHaileyMom

    Comment by JosHaileyMom (original poster) at 10:26 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Oh, and as for chores, I have them help clean up their messes, which they are usually happy to do..
    JosHaileyMom

    Comment by JosHaileyMom (original poster) at 10:28 PM on May. 12, 2011