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2 Bumps

What to do? oh jeez, so long!

My ex(father of our daughter) and I have been broken up for 5 months. He never showed interest in me and when I broke it off with him all he cared about was seeing our daughter. I started seeing another guy (seeing, not dating) and all of a sudden he wanted me back and became a creeper. Coming over all the time and looking in the window before he'd knock, leaving me notes and even carved I love you in the wood on my back porch. I want to be friends with my ex so i don't flaunt my new guy in front of him or anything. My ex sent fb messages to the new guy telling him to stop stealing his family and putting things on his car when he would come over and just weird stuff.
A couple days ago my ex tried to kill himself. A dramatic night with a horrific phone call and having to go over and see him dying on the floor. He is fine now, out of the hospital and getting help... but do I stop seeing this other guy? I want to be there for my ex WITHOUT making him think I want him back. And I want to keep seeing my new guy without it making my ex want to literally kill himself.
What would you ladies do?
By the way.. I am a normal person who has had a normal life up until 5 months ago. I feel like a crack head hick talking about all this crazy stuff going on!!

 
dbodani

Asked by dbodani at 1:26 AM on May. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,925 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It sounds like you want to be supportive towards your ex but honestly, the suicide thing is just a way for him to have some control of a situation very OUT of his control. The more you tailor your life to keep him happy, the more his behavior will lean towards manipulating you. You should let his family help him cope and unless you have some custody arrangement worked out, you should probably keep yourself and your child out of the picture for a while. Explain to him that because of his unstable behavior you don't trust him around your kid right now and when he has leveled out you will consider allowing him time to visit. Also, he needs to have a very blunt discussion about the fact that he CHOSE to not be with you, so he needs to get over you being with another man. If he is unable to do that, have a consequence in mind to keep him in line. Only you know him so that detail is up to you to decide. Good luck!
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 2:28 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • guys always want what they can't have.... he needs help, it's not your responsibility to put your life on hold for him!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:31 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I'd let his family be there to help him heal. You need to look out for yourself and your child.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 1:36 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like you EX has some mental issues. You need to stay away from him. You cannot be supportive of him without making him think you want a relationship. Do not stop seeing the new guy. The whole suicide thing was about making you feel bad and getting control over you. Getting you to break off the new relationship is exactly what your EX wants. I would limit the time he spends with your child until he can prove he is stable. I would try to only let him have supervised visits. If he is willing to hurt himself to get your attention, what else is he willing to do? His family needs to step up and you need to step back. He is not your responsibility. Mentally healthy people do not attempt suicide when they don't get their way!
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 6:58 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I agree with the other ladies. He is mentally ill, extremely manipulative and very creepy. He will try the suicide thing again because it worked. It worked in making you feel guilty, sad and responsible for him. If it happens again, call 911 and give them the address. I would also go to your local office that handles things like child support and visitation and get an emergency order for supervised visitation only. He is not stable right now. I would also get a restraining order for the peeping/stalking. Do not talk to him right now about anything. Not on the phone, or anywhere else. Block him from your facebook and email until the courts can grant supervised visitation only.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 10:03 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • YES YES I undersatand YOU What ever its is your situation Always THINK THINK and have a
    ~
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    ¸.•´ (¸.•´ * Happy Tuesday !!
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:36 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • please dont put your life on hold for a guy who cant take care of himself =[
    my ex has depression as well. and he is not nice. he emotionally abused me. and he still tries to use me.
    blah
    its stupid
    but do what makes you happy do NOT LET YOUR EX ruin YOUR FUTURE or your Childs FUTURE.
    spitfire06

    Answer by spitfire06 at 12:38 PM on May. 12, 2011