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MIL/DH's ex relationship too close for my comfort

This evening, we ended up having dinner with my in-laws. They were already planning on having DH's ex-wife over for dinner. I've learned to accept that they see her regularly, even though she treated DH like crap at the end of their marriage and they never had any kids. I was fine with her, chatting with her and such, until my SIL called my MIL, and my MIL hands the phone to DH's ex saying, "Here, talk to your sister!" Something in me just snapped, and I've been in a funk ever since. I've felt for a very long time that my in laws, who have no idea what all that woman did to DH, would prefer her over me. I feel like my MIL is very high and mighty, and that she judges me for being an independent person, whereas their family relies heavily on each other. She seems to feel like if you didn't have the same upbringing her kids did, then you're a lost puppy on her doorstep that she has to be the surrogate mom for, but I don't feel like I need that. However, the ex accepts this, thus my MIL is all over her. It's all more complicated than I could ever fit here, but I guess my ultimate question is, do I have a right to feel weird about the way my MIL is with DH's ex? I thought I had accepted it, until the sister comment. It just drove home that my MIL feels closer to the ex than she does to me, I guess. Am I the weirdo here?

 
musicpisces

Asked by musicpisces at 2:40 AM on May. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 45 (195,010 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • No, YOU most certainly are not the "weirdo!" But your husband might be if he doesn't step up and tell his mother that there is a reason he divorced this woman and he doesn't want you and him to be in the same room as her.

    Strange that she is still in their life, and stranger still that your husband tolerates it!
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 2:51 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Sounds like a very uncomfortable position to be in, but perhaps you should just see her as someone who they are close to, and stop comparing yourself to her. She is the ex. You are you. You said yourself you don't really fit in with that family dynamic, you're more independant. So be it. Don't feel bad. I can totally see how it would make you feel awkward, but I also think you need to just rise above it and get on with your life and your relationships.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 2:50 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • mil HAS A SET OF BALLS i TELL YA. I wouldnt put myself in that situation and if hubby respected you he would be there to back you. I'd tell MIL that if she's coming ya'll arent PERIOD. they hae NO KIDS and she has no part of being there anymore. and that you guys wouldnt be attending anymore ge togthers put distance between you guys and tell her to call her BF to eat with them. Strange lady. GL momma. here if you want ot chat or need to vent or a should. just hitme up doll
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 4:32 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • It sounds like they all have boundary issues. Your DH should not attend any family function where the ex is present. He needs to learn to ask if she is going to be there and if she is, he says no. If he insists on going, you do not go. I can understand MIL wanting to maintain a relationship especially since she does not have the full story, but I do not understand putting you and her son through the wringer every time you go to visit. Ugh.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 9:55 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • it sounds to me like we have the same mil...mine has done me the same way..my dh's ex wife has called when i was at her house and i actually heard his dad tell him his wife was on the phone and that they needed to talk to work things out..and we had been dating for 2 yrs!!!!!!!!! She would still visit them and take my dh's son over there bc the mil and ex wife thought it would bother me..my mil has done alot worse to me than what you mentioned..my solution was call her on her crap tell her like it is and i have not spoken to her in about 5yrs and honestly dont plan on it..my dh has cut them off as well...he caught her in a bold face lie and put a stop to her..now his father is a diff story we all like him but he is what we call 'pw'...and btw this is his stepmom im talkin about
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • YES YES I undersatand YOU What ever its is your situation Always THINK THINK and have a
    ~
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    ¸.•´ (¸.•´ * Happy Tuesday !!
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:34 PM on May. 12, 2011

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