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Is this a bad thing?

Whenever I am hurt or crying during an argument or something my husband will tell me I need to stop crying or say something like "why are you crying for?" in a rude manner. Does this mean he doesn't care?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on May. 12, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My thoughts.

    In most cases, men respond that way because the conversation has left the building. It's no longer a conversation, it's become to emotional. A logical, rational conversation (especially if it is an important one in regards to a relationship) can not take place when one party is emotional to the point of crying. Once the crying has started, many (if not most) men really do not know how to respond/react in a manner that will not induce more crying to be honest. So telling a woman to "stop" is the best they can do in order to try and get the emotions back down and the conversation back on track. Even though, the reality is this. That statement actually makes the woman more emotionally upset usually, and induces even more crying.

    One partner breaking down and crying, the other yelling at them to stop. Is a sure sign of poor communication in a relationship that needs to be rectified.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:19 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • no, I think that men really are confused by womens emotions. That's actually a good thing that he is asking why you are crying. When he asks you you should answer him honestly because it's a great way to resolve what ever is hurting you.
    Snoopy42

    Answer by Snoopy42 at 3:11 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • No. It means he is less emotionally demonstrative than you, and really doesn't understand why you are crying. He might see it as a sign of weakness rather than deep feeling when you cry during an argument.

    So explain it to him. If he still is rude about your tears, then he is a jerk, but at least you tried to help him understand your tears.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 3:10 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I don't think it means he doesn't care necessarily, sometimes men have a low tolerance for tears because they were raised thinking that crying is a sign of weakness so they have less patience for it. My husband used to be like that sometimes, very insensitive when I was upset, until I explained one day that even though HE doesn't cry when he's upset, it's my way of showing my feelings and when he is rude about it it makes me feel disrespected. When he heard it put in that way, he changed his behavior immediately because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me even more when I was already upset. He really had no idea that crying was a release for me since he rarely cries himself. Maybe try having a heart to heart with your man and tell him he's hurting your feelings when he responds that way. Good luck!
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 3:11 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I guess I am just confused. In the beginning when I would cry he would be my shoulder & would comfort me but now years later he gets mad at me when I start to cry. I have asked him why and he states that he just feels Ihave no legitimate reason for crying. I have always been a more emotional person than he but this is really bothering me.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:16 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I would say the problem is in the arguements .. It doesn't help the situation if your coping skill is to cry instead of facing things and trying to problem solve. Keep it logical when dealing with men and things will go much better. Remeber it takes 2 to argue. I know how hard it can be at times. If he is verbally abusive that is one thing, but if it is just your "feelings" coming out sideways then you can fix that. Good luck !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 3:19 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • LeJane- That's the problem & the majority of the reason of why I cry, because I want to find a resolution to certain things but talking to him is like talking to a wall. After trying & trying I just want to break down.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:26 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • My husband used to always tell me to "stop that bullshit crying"... I know, thats cold lol. He has always made little insensitive remarks about my crying when we argue. But he acts completely different when I cry for different reasons. I've asked him why he acts so mean towards me for crying when we argue and he has told me he doesn't like seeing me cry and thats just his way of handling it when he's angry. I think men are just insensitive alot of the time and don't really understand emotions but their own.
    tiffanynichols

    Answer by tiffanynichols at 4:09 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Many men don't know how to react to crying, but the fact that he used to comfort you does make it a bit of an issue. Maybe it makes him feel guilty or he feels you're crying to make him feel bad and could control it if you wanted. He's being insensitive, but hard to say he doesn't care, just that he doesn't like it. My dh doesn't know how to react to crying but he never has, he just doesn't understand how someone can't control it. Crying is crying though, I'm incapable of holding back tears myself.
    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 5:52 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Maybe he wanted to "fix" all the problems in your life so you'd no longer cry, and the fact that you still do means he can't fix it, which is frustrating for him?

    We have a similar issue. Any emotion, he rolls eyes and stops listening. Well, I've always been very emotional (positive and negative), it isn't a change, so he should have known what he was getting himself into.
    Tracys2

    Answer by Tracys2 at 8:38 AM on May. 12, 2011