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4 Bumps

Adoption as Babyselling?

For those who consider adoption babyselling, what about private, non-agency adoption?

Is nonagency adoption more ethical than agency adoption? Is it less coercive?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:47 AM on May. 12, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (24)
  • Adopting through an agency is definitely baby selling and its dumb. If i were to give my child up for adoption, I wouldnt want to be paid for giving my kid up period.
    xmama_bellax

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 6:49 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • WOW that's all I can say
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 6:58 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I have pondered this more times than I care to:( ' FEAR is a good teacher", and this question is not black or white! IMHO, IF ANY monies changed hands, either by paying to be an adopter of another womans child or recieving monies (i.e.-lawyers, facilitators, or agencies...then yes. 'Baby Selling" is not a term any of us wish to be a part of, but indeed, I sold my twins! JMHO! NO I did not recieve $$$ but their adopters paid over $30,000.00 to procure them. Their answer in their file is, ' I will "pay' whatever it takes to get these boys". Not sure if there is any other way to define this, again MY opinion. EVERY single journey is very personal to each Mommy who no longer is able to hold her child, however, to 'make it any different than 'baby brokering is denial at its highest level. AFTER-MATH..."our" sons had an amazingly privelaged life. Did their parents "buy" them, YIP...Did I sell them, end result, ABSOLUTELY!
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:11 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I do think some ways are more ethical practices than others. But I would not say it is baby selling. Adoption, really since the beginning of time, has been a practice and a privledge. It is both a formal and informal practice. Our complicated system is rediculous to many. Our reasons for placing or adopting can be just as complex. In the end I know places I could never do work with as a parent or as a professional work for. But I would not consider my private domestic infant adoption unethical. I am so glad to be a mom - I respect Ceejay, but I always cringe at the word adopteer. I am a mom first. Inam a mom through adoption. And truly if you knew me in person you would know I am one freakin fabulous mom. How I became a mother was Both legal and ethical. I do not deny there are some agencies and lawyers who appear slimy or take advantage of people's pain. But it is important to realize adoption in general needs
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:10 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • some reform. How much and what kind of reform is really open to debate. What I can say is I am more comfortable with small word of mouth non profit organizations.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:12 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • mamabella: the mother giving up the child does not get "paid" anything. I know some states allow you to get "living expenses" but not all women accept them. i refused to accept any living expenses. and although the agency profited from my child I did not. at the time i was very young & did not realize that the agency was making money off my child. its despicable.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Wow...as a birthmom with a good story/experience this question and some of the answers are kind of maddening, sickening, disheartening...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • what's "sicking" about the truth? just because you have a good adoption experience doesnt mean the agency didnt make money!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Personally, the route of adopting via an agency has never appealed to me. Because somewhere in my heart and mind, it feels wrong, feels like baby selling. Do I feel like everyone shares my ideas or qualms about this? No, I know for sure they don't.

    Agencies and attornies who seek to profit on placing children in the arms of families who long to have them and exploit both the adoptive/potential adoptive parents and the birthmother/potential birthmother sicken me. The end result does come pretty much out as "child selling" - it's just not done on the black market.

    For this reason- the morals and ethics and questionable practices - would keep me from going that route. Again, my choices aren't right for everyone and I don't try to push my ideas on anyone. I share them when asked - but don't think my way is the only way, either.

    CONTINUING...
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:09 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I do not in any way feel paying legal fees to complete an adoption is equal to buying. We pay legal fees to draw up papers for any number of things in our lives, if I were having a baby today, I'd pay a doctor to deliver the child and provide care as I would to the hospital, etc - if I wanted to change the child's name or add them to my will, I'd pay legal fees. SO, I don't view the legal fees associated as buying a child - it's just paying for your legal matters to be in order. If you were giving birth, you wouldn't accuse the hospital of holding selling you a child for providing care.

    Again, I DO feel that many agencies and attornies are out of line.

    How sad, though, to feel that another party would go to any financial cost to obtain your child.

    Just know that all adoptive parents don't become parents in the same manner. Before our son was ours, I had to let go and be happy his birthmom was trying to parent.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:14 PM on May. 12, 2011

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