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2 Bumps

Visitation

my ex was just started to get visitation after 2 years of supervised visitation. but last week he did some things that suspended his visitation altogether. we have to go back to court next month and go from there. my lawyer told me just to remain neutral in everything. im not really sure what that all meant. i know im not supposed to be telling the kids details about things. no problem. i wouldnt do that. they know the ex is a jerk. the kids are 9 and 7. when i have to talk to my lawyers or anyone else about this i leave the room or i wait to discuss things with my husband until they are sleeping. im a little nervous because last week i caught my son trying to eavesdrop on my conversation! im afraid of what he may have heard. we have to go see his counselor this week too. then again he may have heard nothing. i was trying to be so careful! any advice?

 
mykidsmom86

Asked by mykidsmom86 at 9:03 AM on May. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Dont talk about it when they are in the house at all. At that age it is normal for them to want to eavesdrop is why. My 11 yr old is notorious for it. I was on the phone the other day and honestly it wasnt something I even cared if he heard, and he came in and told me he heard what I said about his brother and he seemed so proud he would successfully eavesdrop lol.

    As for remaining neutral that means try not to have an opinion. Pretend like you dont know anything about what happened. If the kids bring it up seem hum drum about it. When you go to court have no emotion on the matter. Let the facts speak for themselves.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:08 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I think what your lawyer means is to do exactly what you are doing. Stay businesslike in any dealings with your ex. Let his actions speak for themselves, you don't have to do or say much. I think if you google Parental Alienation Syndrome you will find some good information on what not to do. Even subtle things like eye rolling and big sighs can turn a child against their father.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 9:07 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I think gemgem is right.....let the facts speak for themselves...........
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 9:44 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • just remain silent about the ex in front of the kids....as for the easedroping thats normal kids know when your trying to hide something....just be calm and let your lawyer do all the talking in court and support the kids in what ever decision is made...
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 9:45 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • You're doing what you're suppose to be doing, it's normal for kids that age to try and listen in on adult conversations - my 6 year old is bad about it and I always catch her, my 9 year old cousin does it too. Though to prevent it from happening again just avoid discussing the issues in open areas of the house - go into a bedroom or outside far enough away from the door and windows so the kids can't sneak up and listen. Inform his counselor that he was caught trying to listen to the conversation and perhaps he/she could discuss it with your son. Your lawyer also probably means to remain calm during court proceedings and meetings. My best friend is going through a bitter custody battle and her lawyer had to make her leave the room during a family relations meeting because of the things her ex was saying.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 2:33 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't discuss it with him when the kids are at home at all. Yes, I agree that it's totally normal for kids to try and listen in, but at the same time they really shouldn't know anything.

    Maybe you and hubby should go grab some food while you discuss it, or talk about it via emails to each other. That way the kids aren't around but you can still discuss what's going on and what's current.
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 3:03 PM on May. 12, 2011

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