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I really need some advice!!! My husband and I are butting heads over parenting right now!

This has always been the one thing that we butt heads over is parenting but allot of that is my fault because I hate to see my children upset however they do need discipline as they grow up.So for the past 6 months or so I have been on the same page with hubby and he also comprimises as well and things have been great, our son is even acting better now that mommy and daddy can agree on parenting lol.

However last night my 4 yr old son was attending The Little Gym and he pushed a little boy off the balance beam so I yelled at him that he needs to come out and that were going home after we had just had a talk with him 5 min befor for being too rough with another little girl. He did apoligize to the boy he pushed and did not get to play that evening just ate and went straight to bed.

I dont get it cause some days at that class he is the perfect child and goes in there and plays so nice and then some days hes so rough with everyone. I told my husband that him and my son are no longer aloud to rough house because thats where he gets it from. But my son is 4 yrs old and he understand that he cant play like that with everyone else cause we tell him time and time again but he keeps doing it.

So here is where hubby and I are not on the same page.... he says that our son is not going back that hes done with the class cause that was the worst he has done was pushing that kid off the balance beam which I totally agree with the last part cause he could have really hurt that kid and we told him that. So my husband sees it that he doesnt listen and so we have to take a more derastic move with him instead of just leaving class early he wants to teach him a lesson and totally take him out of it. I of coure want to give him another chance because I cant ever let him attend things bc he acts out sometimes, then he would be sitting at home all day long doing nothing. We cannot get refunded for the next two classes hes supposed to attend but maybe hubby is right maybe the consequences need to be more severe for our son to get it but that just sounds so mean to not let him go back cause he loves the teacher and hes not always acting up but it is getting to be every other class now that hes having trouble with. Help, I dont know what to do cause I know that as soon as hubby and I talk the argument is going to kick in if we cant agree on somthing. Is there a way for us to compromise this situation?

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LANDENSMOMMYlmk

Asked by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 11:44 AM on May. 12, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 16 (2,456 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I think maybe you could compromise with him to give him one last chance and if he still keeps doing this then take him out.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:50 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I say use the classes as an opportunity to teach what not to do.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:51 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I don't agree on taking him out, that's a bit much. Also too much for them not playing rough together. Kids are going to be kids, Just come to an agreement on his correct punishment. Maybe pull him out if it continues???
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 11:51 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • I have mentioned giving him another chance but the thing is that we have given him chances several times so thats why my husband is telling me no. I really dont know what to do this just sux.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Comment by LANDENSMOMMYlmk (original poster) at 11:53 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • Too harsh. Kids' impulse control doesn't develop until around six years old. It sounds like he's being a completely normal four-year old.

    When/If he does it again you remove him from the situation. But he gets to start fresh for the next class.

    I think your hubby is overreacting. Maybe take him to class and let him observe all the children and see that kids have their "moments."
    Mom_to_Skyler

    Answer by Mom_to_Skyler at 11:59 AM on May. 12, 2011

  • If you pull him out, how will he learn appropriate behaviour? He messes up a couple times and then gets removed. Pulling him out 1. doesn't teach him anything but he cannot attend anymore, 2. he doesn't learn how to correctly interact with other kids of different ages and attitudes.

    Honestly, I would make him sit out the rest of the time. Making him watch and not participate will be a lesson that he will remember rather than removing him from the class altogether. Then, you can tell him that if he behaves correctly, he can play next time but the consequence for not acting right will earn him a seat on the sideline.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:04 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Thanks mom to skyler....... my husband goes to every one of our sons classes, never misses one and we have only seen one other boy act out similar to our son but its not really acting out most of the time to me cause I know boys will be boys but when hes pushing kids hard and making them fall on the ground and hitting them with the swim noodles and pushing them off a high balance beam is where we get concerned.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Comment by LANDENSMOMMYlmk (original poster) at 12:07 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Thanks so much jademom7, never thought of having him watch instead of just leaving. Im sure that will make him mad but maybe that way he can see what hes missing out on. Gosh why cant we just have a good class everytime lol
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Comment by LANDENSMOMMYlmk (original poster) at 12:12 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Having him sit and only watch the remainder of the class instead of participate is a GREAT idea. He gets to see what his is missing. Good idea jademom7!
    Mom_to_Skyler

    Answer by Mom_to_Skyler at 12:24 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Another option - honestly - is to let the teacher handle the situation. I'm sure the teacher has dealt with many different personalities over the years and knows what works for him/her. Ask the teacher what to do. He/she may want you to intervene when you observe it but he/she may also want to deal with it. The teacher is in charge of the class.

    By coming in and removing your son you could be undermining the teacher. Sometimes kids react best to an adult who is not their parent, especially in a class-type situation.

    I would talk to the class teacher and see what he/she recommends. That teacher can also tell you whether your child is genuinely acting bad or just a normal variation of a 4-year old.
    Mom_to_Skyler

    Answer by Mom_to_Skyler at 12:28 PM on May. 12, 2011

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