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What grows a 'good kid.'

There have been several threads stemming from an earlier post referencing a certain dress worn by a 17 year old. :) IN those threads there's a reoccurring theme that good parents would never have a child that dressed like that because they wouldn't allow it. The down votes seem to come out of the woodwork when some dispute the claim. Which brings me to this question --

What do you think grows a good kid? Is a good kid the sign of great parents and a rebellious teen the sign of weak ones? Does the child that sneaks out indicate lax, ineffective parents? Does a parent do all they can and know that even the best of us will sometimes end up with a teen pushing his/her boundaries in ways we've worked hard to keep them from doing? Can you say today that your child will honestly "never" be that kid - that kid wearing that dress or sneaking out to the party you forbid or hooking up with that guy/girl your poison?

Share your thoughts and the ages of your kids. Feel free to share your experience as a teen too - what role did your parents have on the person you were at the time?


Asked by ldmrmom at 12:22 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (24,648 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Mine have grown to become productive, caring adults, parents who swear, "my child would never do this or that is certainly in denial. Every teen and kid is capable of doing something they have been taught to be wrong or improper or immoral, all a parent can do is give them that base from which they can derive from and hope and pray the do go to that base to come to the right decision.

    My youngest is 23 and my other two are in their thirties, and I could not be a prouder parent.....


    Answer by older at 6:13 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I must say that a teen's individual personality is going to greatly affect what kind of kid they are. 2 kids can be raised the exact same way and still turn out completely different. However, I think the best a parent can do is offer love, support, guidance, and discipline.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • There was an article the other day about this very topic. Basically it said no matter what we do in the end genetics end up winning. We can teach our kids proper manners, good educational skills, work ethics and all of that but once they leave home about 90% of what we taught them goes out the window. They either naturally are like us, or they arent. I used to think nurture trumped nature but having grown kids who have spent very LITTLE time with their father and seeing two of them act so much like him I have changed my mind. All we can do is guide them and hope some of it sticks.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:26 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I have 2 boys who are grown. One is always in trouble. Is into drugs. Has been to jail. Has 2 kids he does not support. And well you get the pictures.
    My other son is in college. Goes to church 3-4 times a week. He is a missionary in the summer. He has never drank or used drugs. He is a virgin (and yes I believe it based on what I have seen).

    Both were raised by me. A single mom. Same home. Same rules. So it is really a toss up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • water and sunshine

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 12:33 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Oh - and food. Mustn't forget to feed the little buggers.

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 12:34 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I think unconditional love, A LOT of good communication, and guidance are very important. Children look to their parents for guidance and discipline, even if it doesn't seem like it. My daughter is only eight, but I am constantly talking to her about things and guiding her through situations that she tells me about that happened in school. She knows that I listen to her and talk to her in a manner that puts her at ease, so she is not afraid to come to me about anything. She has a very strong personality, and I'm hoping by keeping the communication going that she will do the same when she is a teenager. I think parents being involved in their child's life from the time they are little is extremely important. I also believe their choice of friends is also very important. I make sure to meet the parents of the children my daughter wants to be friends with to see what their parenting style is.

    Answer by Ashoonik at 12:38 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I think alot depends on the definition of a good kid. To me a good kid is one that respects themselves and others, is polite and helps out those less fortunate or those in need, and one that has a good work ethic either in school or at their job. Good kids might have messy rooms or maybe even sneak a drink on occasion, and yes even some good kids have sex or come home past curfew. . So I really think everyone has their own definition of what a good kid is.

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 2:53 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • My parents were very controlling and showed me no respect or trust as a teen. That was why I rebelled extensively! They were good parents. They taught me morales, but I wanted to do the exact opposite of everything they said. When my kids are teenagers (oldest is 9) I will give them room to make mistakes. I want them to mess up while the consequences aren't as serious. Once they are 18 everything stays on your record. I would rather them fall while I'm there to pick them back up. The lessons learned the hard way are the ones best learned. Even now I let my oldest pick his own clothes out. I just get the final vote. I don't just tell him no though. I explain to him why he shouldn't wear those choices and how people will perceive him if he does.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:40 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Being an active parent. Not letting anything get by, and communicating. We also have to remember to listen to them. Our boys are 7,8 and 14 yrs old.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:24 PM on May. 12, 2011