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What are the benefits (if any) to older teens still living at home when a parent remarries?

My boyfriend of 5 years has 2 girls (17 & 20) still going to school and living at home for at least the next 2 years. I have an 11 year old daughter, we have been on our own her entire life. She gets along great with him, but his daughters have always been very cool (but not rude) to both of us. We visit on Sundays for dinner, but his girls are usually busy with homework, friends, facebook, etc., so not much time is really spent with all of us together. Although he says he would like to marry/cohabitate, he thinks we need to wait until his kids move out (my daughter and I live in an apartment and would move in with them). He feels it would be too crowded (each girl would still have a separate bedroom) and that his girls would be uncomfortable with us always around. I think being part of a 'family' would be a wonderful experience for my child, and I think his girls would benefit, too. He says there would be no benefits to his kids, and his kids will always come first. Any ideas of how blending our families would also benefit his children, or am I just being selfish?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I dont understand why you would want to go against what he wants for his children? It sounds to me he wants to provide them with the same living experience they have enjoyed until they are done with college and on their own. Once that happens he can focus on you and your daughter living there with him, which believe me will be enough of an adjustment without his own kids being there. I would just sit tight.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:59 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • If he doesn't want to do it, don't force him. He will resent you if anything happens, even if his girls get attitude for no reason. All of a sudden it will be your fault for moving in. Don't do it.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:07 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I think the older the kids the harder it is, and it can take years to blend a family. It took more than a year for my daughter to bond with and fully trust and accept my husband, and she was only 5 when we married.  If you are getting a cool reception now, then successfully merging into a family might not happen before his girls leave home. If they can be open and accepting, then the benefits to them can be building a stronger relationship with you and your daughter so they will feel bonded with you and won't feel strange when they come home and visit as adults. They could also benefit from having another adult female to talk to about their problems as they launch into their lives, but you have to be prepared for the fact that they may not bond with you that quickly or at all.  GL! 


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 1:10 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I dont see why the older 2 would have an issue they are basically adults...if everyone would have there own rooma dn he's saying there isnt enough space im sorry to say but I dont think he wants to live with you...not if it's gonna be another 2+ yrs....I wouldnt push the issue but if it's something you feel really strongly about then talk to him about it...there would be no benefits to his kids..but as long as you 2 being there didnt take away from any time if any at that ages he spends with them then i dont see what it would hurt...the 20 yo should understand the most...she's an adult still getting to live at home she doesnt get much say!

    Answer by happymama02 at 2:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • that the way my husband is with his kids right now..yes they live in TN but i think that we all pay a little more attention to our own but that is just human nature i think that all of you would benifit from it and see that they have brother/sisters and a step mom and step dad that loves them more and they will be ok with that.

    Answer by amber_mom40 at 3:03 PM on May. 12, 2011

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