Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is so bad about a large family?

I'm scratching my head on this one. Me and my husband have 5 kids. The oldest will be 11 next month, the youngest will turn 1 a couple weeks after that. The others are 9 1/2, 8 1/2 and 5. We didn't plan to have this many kids but it worked out and we like having a big family (most of the time...there are those days I'd like to tie them all up in the closet...but I usually find something else for them to do to get them out of my hair, lol).

My husband, thinking he's sooooo funny, posted on hi facebook that his sister was going to be an aunt for the 6th time. I saw it before anyone else and just rolled my eyes but didn't say anything.

This morning I was checking my facebook and there were a bunch of alerts. Seems his cousin, another relative and his sister posted back on that topic. His sister's response was "dumb asses."

Geeze. And they wonder why we didn't tell anyone about the last pregnancy until I was in my 3rd trimester. Every single baby (except the first 2) that was the response we got from family. Something along those lines or flat out telling us to our faces we were stupid and ruining our lives. What the hell is wrong with having a 6th baby?

For the record his cousin was happy for us and laughing when I posted this morning that I wasn't actually pregnant. It's because of that attitude that I felt I had to hide my last 3 pregnancies (one ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks...they don't even know about that one, it was before I got pregnant with the last kid).

And if I was pregnant it wouldn't be a big deal to us. We'd have to tighten up our finances a little but we're doing okay. Our only debt is our truck (which will be paid off in April) and some medical bills from when the youngest was born. We rent a nice 3bed/2bath house (which is bigger than my sil's house--she lives with her mother and middle son, her other 2 kids don't live with her and the kid has a makeshift room on the back porch because the house only has 2 bedrooms). The kids are fed and clothed and we could afford another if we wanted. Especially come October when my husband tops out his pay at his job (a $6/hour raise)

I just don't get why we are "dumb asses" if we were pregnant (for the record I had my tubes tied so we aren't having any more but that point is lost on my sil).

I almost wish I was pregnant just to throw it in her face.

Answer Question
 
justanotherjen

Asked by justanotherjen at 12:59 PM on May. 12, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 26 (28,174 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • As long as you can afford a big family I don't see anything wrong with it. I wouldn't mind having another, just don't think it would be good for us financially.
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 1:03 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • It's just something for them to bitch about. And something like that isn't so easy to just ignore. What an insensitive comment from your SIL.

    I want to be your friend due to this comment, "there are those days I'd like to tie them all up in the closet". lol
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 1:04 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • It sounds more like a rude SIL more than anything. MY Sil went around telling everyone in the small town my DH grew up in , that I was hiding and taking Birth Control pills and that's why I couldn't get pregnant.. Purely because she's just a rotten person. I Had endometreosis and THAT was why I wasn't getting pregnant. Some people wouldn't be happy unless they were miserable or making others miserable.. don't sweat it Mama.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:04 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I believe that would be called sarcasm, or a "joke".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I don't understand that attitude either. The only time I even think anything is when the family obviously can't afford the kids they keep having and are always borrowing money from the extended family. Or the welfare moms with 6 kids from 8 different fathers.

    I'm more of a "small family" person. I'm an only child and can't imagine having more than one of my own kids...but I also hated being pregnant. It sounds like you are doing just fine and some of your family is unfortunately needlessly grumpy. I can find lots of things to be grumpy about without resorting to grousing at big families who are obviously managing well!
    blu_canary

    Answer by blu_canary at 1:06 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Having a kid to "throw in someone's face" isn't a good idea. I hope that was just sarcasm. I don't think they were right to say that you are dumb asses for getting pregnant again, even if it was a joke. Why do they care so much about your family. If you want to have a big family so be it. I would only advise you to have a little nest egg for a rainy day because you don't know what the future will hold. god forbid your husband loses his job, caring for five children would be tough. I think that whatever you do with your life is your business and you shouldn't worry about what others say, you only have one life, live it the way you want. good luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:07 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Um, SIL is biased, she doesn't even have two of her kids. I have four children, and at times I get the same reaction. People these days are so into the "one boy, one girl" thing that they can't even see how much we love making/carrying/having babies.... What ever happened to the American freedom to be who we want to be and not constantly judged? Besides having a couple more kids than alot of people, I am pretty much the same. I wouldn't change it if I could, my babies keep me busy, laughing, and there's always love in my home. We all have what we need, each other!!! Didn't someone once say "the more the merrier"?
    SonyaNaomi

    Answer by SonyaNaomi at 1:12 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • People are just that way these days. I have 5 myself. Alot of people would ask me things like oh you are over populating the world, oh what about feeding them, oh what about this or that? I would tell them what about minding your own uterus and business?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:19 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Yes, the throw it in her face comment was sarcasm. I had my tubes tied, we're not having any more kids.
    And, no, she wasn't "joking" when she wrote that. Her and my husband argued back and forth over it and she basically said we were all dumb asses for even joking about having more kids. I love her but she pissed me off this summer. We were visiting them while we moved across the country and she flat out told me she thought I was being a bad mom because...wait for it...I made my kids follow rules and mind me. WTF! She thought I was wrong for making them go to bed at a reasonable time and that I wouldn't allow them to have more than 1 can of soda (which is more than they usually get, they aren't allowed any at home). She kept undermining ups at every turn and told my kids they didn't have to listen to us in her house. Holy crap, my husband went off on her and we almost left in the middle of the night.
    justanotherjen

    Comment by justanotherjen (original poster) at 1:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • It is more than likely jealousy. I would love to have more than 3 children but it is not in the budget for us so I keep telling myself that 3 is enough. I find myself rehashing the negatives of having a big family so I dont feel bad about not having more.

    Just to clarify there are many positives and negatives to any size family! I love big families as long as the parents can afford it!! :)
    outlikealamb

    Answer by outlikealamb at 1:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN