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His ex has too much power and I dont know what to do?!

My SO and I have been together since Dec. I moved in almost 2 months ago...he has 4 yo boy/girl twins and I have 3 kids...he can get his kids whenever he wants and I have actually gone and watched them for their mom on several occasions too which she was supposed to return the favor but says she cant everytime I ask...well he still goes over there and helps her out around the house and will even go and just hang out with his kids over there...the last visit his kids had here was horrible and I guess their mom said they were not allowed back over for a while because their son picked up whineing from my middle child...something I'm working on...I think it's BS that she has that much power...he will never tell her no...she got cancer...he detached emotionally from her and thn left her when she got better and he feels guilty...it was up until we got together that he was trying to make it work on and off...so I think she's abusing the fact that she has that power and she knows it...I just dont know what to do...he made it clear when we got together that she was still on his life on a friendship level,but I dont like it now...but im afraid to put my foot down because I doubt I will win...he was with her 12 yrs. we have known eachother months...What would you do in my situation? I have hung out with her a cpl times with the kids and she's a nice person...so I dont know whats going on now that she's being a total biotch...i think it's hitting her that he's happy with me and not going back to her...idk...but I was fine with everything till she started making it personal.

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happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 2:14 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • personally, i would not desire someone who left their wife in her greatest time of need, when she was ill.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:17 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • He is still in love with her. I saw something very similar happen. The original couple ended up back together. She has so much "power" with him because he is still in love with her. If she allows him to come hang out there I would say she still loves him as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • If you can't handle it, then I would break off the relationship before those months turn into years and it will be harder. If its something that you think you can just bite the bullet and deal with..then youre going to have to learn to live with it. Call her up and tell her youre trying to work on your child with the whining...ask her if she has any suggestions from one momma to another. Maybe that will melt the ice between the two of you a bit. Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:20 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I don't see anything good coming out of this. I think you have to either accept that you will always be sharing him and that he may even decide to go back to her, or you must be the one to say that this isn't working out and you aren't going any further. I have always been a woman who thinks that no woman should share her husband with any other woman.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:20 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • "...he will never tell her no....he feels guilty....he still goes over there and helps her out around the house "
    I think he's not over her yet. You are the first relationship? That makes you the rebound girl. I would run as fast as possible before your kids get hurt.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 2:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • i will say something and just tell him how you feel and that ya need to get with her and talk about things and let her know that she is still the kids mother but she needs to grow up and start being adult about the situation and that he has rights too and that he will be pursading those rights and i would tell her how you are feeling also and then if he gets mad and she does too then hey its on them and if he leaves you then you know what you deserve better..just what i would do!!
    amber_mom40

    Answer by amber_mom40 at 2:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I see alot of red flags rising!!!! They are still inlove with one another. You are only going to get hurt in time sweetie! It is very clear you will always be second to her! Sorry to sound harsh, but I rather be blunt about it. Whatever your decision taht' on you, but just remember ONLY YOU ARE RESPOSIBLE FOR YOU'RE OWN HAPPINESS.

    GOOD LUCK!
    Strenght203

    Answer by Strenght203 at 2:23 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I feel for you when she starts dating. You will be crushed when you see how devastated he is when she finds someone else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • She ws in remition 2 yrs. before he decided to leave he did stay with her through the chemo and all that and I'm the 3rd girl he's been with...1st 1 hes lived with though...it's weird sometime I'm perfectly fine with it all and other times i want to tell him to choose
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 2:27 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • You may just need to stand your ground.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 12, 2011

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