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3 Bumps

Unwed mothers and their baby; visitation of father

I'm an unmarried mother of a nine month old. My baby's father doesn't live with me, but he lives very nearby. He is here in my home on a daily basis for many hours a day to visit our baby, (not really wanted by me.)And I am now not letting him come over anymore for my own comfort and safety, as well as our babies' safety. He has a very serious criminal record and is emotionally abusive and controlling to me. I need to know if there are any other mother's with a similar situation. I have determined that he can see our daughter for a few hours a few days a week, at his home only. I do not trust him any longer than that, and my only reason for even letting him see her at all, is to delay him taking me to court and possibly getting visitation rights. He even uses religion to sway my thinking and to try to get me to let him be a part of my life too, even though he's hurting me. If I even got this all out the right way for it to be understandable, could someone give me some input? He has never abused our baby, to my knowledge. But it would just kill me if he ever did. I want the court to make a decision over visitation, but do not want to assist the dad in that way, by agreeing to anything on paper, without an order.

Answer Question

Asked by bellejesse at 4:20 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 8 (265 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Is the visitation at his place supervised?

    Answer by CraftingMama at 4:21 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Well I guess you knew he was a bad guy when you made your child? IDK--but I think you need to file for sole custody ASAP--I wouldn't let my child near him with a 10 foot pole, you need a court order for supervised visitation, they will check his background, and take any testimony from you,, honestly you need protection.

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:25 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Men who have short fuses with women sometimes have even shorter fuses with little ones. I'd go to Court. You will be fine there. I'd suggest supervised visits but those can be costly unless you have a family member who will do it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:25 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • in my state - the baby the child lives with is the custodial parent until a court of law declares otherwise. that means visitation is up to the custodial parent and they can say yes or no anytime they want to, and the non-custodial parent cannot do shit about it until they take the matter to court. in other words, you do not have to let him come over, and it's up to you when and if he can see his child until a court of law says otherwise. usually i'm not in favor of women doing this, but if he's unstable and abusive i say you exercise your rights as the custodial parent.

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:27 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • The visitation at his house is unsupervised. And I didn't know if I needed to say this earlier in my question, but now feel that I should: the father's criminal record includes 2nd degree murder and aggravated stalking. He is also very dissatisfied with visitation three days a week, so I have stopped it in the recent past, but started back up again, due to being emotionally abused by him. I do has a social worker who has checked on me since my daughter was born, but that has now stopped, being the court's decision. I just don't have anyone to really talk to about this issue. And I don't think my social worker really ever understood my concerns.

    Comment by bellejesse (original poster) at 4:29 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Just go to court. Document everything and be ready to bring in his criminal record and any evidence you have that can show a judge he is not trustworthy to be alone with the child. It is best to do it this way. If you dont have a court order both of you have equal rights so him visiting at your home is best imo right now. technically he could keep your child if there is not some sort of order set up.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:30 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I wouldn't allow my child to be with him in his own home. If you are keeping him away from your home for fear of safey for you and your child...then why would you allow the child to be at his home? I'm sorry, you need to keep your child away from him and just have him take you to court or beat him to it and file first. If you fear this man, then you need to protect your baby girl regardless...that's your job as her mother. Do not take any chances with the life/safety/well being of your innocent baby.

    Answer by KennsWifey at 4:32 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Although I think you have to do everything to protect your child, you picked the dad and now you have to live with that choice. He was good enough to make a baby with, he's good enough to have a relationship with him too. That doesn't mean the visitation has to be unsupervised. Your baby deserves two parents in his life. I was a single mom for 10 yrs, so I can relate to your feelings.

    Answer by sneakyboo at 4:32 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • The visitation at his house is unsupervised

    so you don't want him near your household but you're comfortable with leaving your child at his home?

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:35 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • If he has a serious criminal record, they will not let him be alone with the baby. Do not let him take the baby alone because then you will NEVER be able to say in court that you don't trust him, because, you did. Offer to meet him in a public place once a week (bring someone with you) and that is it. Is he paying child support?

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:36 PM on May. 12, 2011

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