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2 Bumps

DS lies ALOT...

He's four years old. He knows the difference between lying and telling the truth, and knows it's wrong to lie. I didn't have his problem with DD and understand all of our kids are different. We consistently discipline, spankings, timeouts, and taking away privilages. Is this just a phase then?

Answer Question
 
SonyaNaomi

Asked by SonyaNaomi at 5:56 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 13 (968 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • My DD does it too. it's just testing you to see what they can and can't get away with, once they are satisfied it will stop... so.. never
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 5:57 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Actually, children this age don't have the ability to always distinguish their imagination from fact. Developmentally, that is just a fact. You can encourage and foster his understanding by doing things like asking him questions. Maybe your shirt is pink. You could ask, "Is Mommy's shirt yellow?" And if he says "No. It's pink." Then you can say, "That's right! You said Mommy's shirt is pink, and that is true!" Doing this often throughout a day helps them begin to recognize fact from fiction on a more cognitive level.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 6:06 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • He's about to turn 5, and I assure you, I know my child and that he delibrately lies at times.
    SonyaNaomi

    Comment by SonyaNaomi (original poster) at 6:07 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • This behaviour is not responding to your other efforts to change it, so you know it is a conscious decision on his part to behave this way. You need to make a complete change in his routine if you want to change this behaviour. Get up at a different time. Eat a different breakfast. Go somewhere every day, even just to kick a ball around in the park. Try not to watch any television of films for as long as you can stand it. The lying is probably his interpretation of what he sees on TV. He knows the actors are lying, not being truthful. He is copying their behaviour. He sees himself as an actor not a liar. You could get him some glove puppets and encourage him to act out stories with the puppets. You could use some of his toys in the same way. But get him away from the same old routine and get him active for more of the day. Make as many changes in his daily life as you can. Accommodate his acting or artistic side too.
    MLM247

    Answer by MLM247 at 7:26 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • Do you know why he lies? I mean what kinds of things he lies about or the situations that lead to it?

    I tend to view lying as a symptom of something being off for the kid, usually around the issue of safety (not feeling safe--emotionally safe.) Lying & sneaking behaviors typically indicate doubts about safety, therefore the "need" to lie. If you view it as a signal, rather than as a problem to stop or change, you have the opportunity to examine what is going on in the dynamic and consider what could be adjusted or clarified. It's about creating the conditions that encourage & allow for truth. Here's the crux of my point of view: when we see lying as a symptom of fearfulness, we can recognize it as a child's strategy to meet some need & we can respond by addressing the need directly. Once the need is met, the behavior will subside, as it isn't "necessary" anymore. (So dissolving the fear that triggers lying will prevent it.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:25 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • This is too little detail for me to answer. The family situation would have to be explained. Why he lies is important.
    Iamasinglemom99

    Answer by Iamasinglemom99 at 12:09 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • Mine tells stories. Like if I ask him where he got a scratch, he may tell me a green crab crawled up his arm and pinched him. Kids...
    ohbladi

    Answer by ohbladi at 4:56 PM on May. 27, 2011

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