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What do you do with a child that just doesn't care?

My friend's son is going into 9th grade and is acting totally defiant and lazy when it comes to his classwork . He now wants to live with his dad and step mom. The dad works 3pm to 11pm and the step mom also works. My friend is a stay at home mom and her husband works. This son refuses to be motivated, even in sports or anything he chooses to do. He won't turn in any progress reports to his mom or give to teachers. He was even caught having sex with a girl classmate. My friend is thinking of putting him in military school for 9th grade. What advise could you give to her?

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Asked by ladylovemm at 9:58 PM on May. 12, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (411 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • My son is the same way and I have let him learn the natural consequences of not being motivated. He will be spending the entire summer in summer school because of his lack of motivation. He will also lose his computer and XBox for the summer. I have added that he has to read a minimum of 3 books over the summer and do study guides with each of them. He is gaining independence and responsibility, in baby steps. Some 9th graders are immature and need to just growup and that usually happens in 10th grade. The more you push, the more he will dig in his heels and do less.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:17 PM on May. 12, 2011

  • I am a high school teacher and would hear this complaint from parents all the time. I've heard of parents taking the door off the hinges and/or trying a charter school to correct the behavior and improve academics. Most of these consequences were unsuccessful and left parents frustrated and for some at the end of the rope with their child. I have seen students respond to volunteering, joining a club/sport, parents making the sacrifice of refusing to buy their child anything, going to school and sitting in the classes with their child, making their teen get a job, and worst case scenario putting them out (which I personally could not do). There are some programs or juvenile interventions that scare teens straight by using very strong images/tactics... unfortunately some teens don't "get it" until they are more cognitively mature and they finally get the "I told you so..." Good Luck and Bless You

    Answer by Mykidsrock2011 at 1:14 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I have a 12 yr old dd with the no motivation issues.
    she seems to think, her having a 70 average, should please me because she is passing.
    I've taken away everything and will not let her attend fun school or church activities. Which is hard, cuz she doesn't want to participate in much - she's happpy sitting at home. Doing NOTHING, which drives me crazy...
    She's missed the school dance, sleep overs, ect. - But she has a fit and it's over - I don't even know that it really affects her.
    I tell her, if she can't do her job (school) she doesn't get to play at school either.
    if she expects me to buy her something, her grades are like her paycheck. If i didn't do my job, i wouldn't get paid either.
    we've been to a counselor earlier this year and she did great is school, got through counseling and she slipped right back into the lazy habbits.
    Good luck..
    I feel for you and understand.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:42 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I am not sure what I would do in this situation.

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 10:50 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • oh wow no help here. good luck mama

    Answer by chiquis at 7:46 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Not sure what I would do, good luck!

    Answer by tazdvl at 2:12 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • Good Luck!

    Answer by sstepph at 8:06 AM on May. 27, 2011

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