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I have a 15 year old daughter & she began having difficulty keeping her friends. She will say things that are absolutley heart-breaking & sometimes have me in tears, although I do not let her see me upset. I worry endlessly about her being lonely or feeling betrayed that she will hurt herself; therefore I totally overcompensate for her by buying her things, switching her schools, and simply giving in to her every whim. Any advice on how to help her and should I worry this much?

 
Mykidsrock2011

Asked by Mykidsrock2011 at 1:03 AM on May. 13, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (8)
  • Overcompensating isn't going to do her any favors in the long run. Be there for her, give her the best advice you can, and let her fight her own battles. That's all you can do.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:14 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Spoiling her and helping her run from her problems instead of dealing with them head on will not benefit your daughter in any way. You will make her a big baby and she wont learn on her own how to handle difficult situations. Love her, support her, listen to her and give her advice, but do not shelter her from the pain of bad friendships. It's part of life and she needs to learn how to handle life situations because mommy wont (and shouldn't) be there to protect her from every paintful part of life.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 1:14 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Quit trying to buy her love with crap. And changing schools isn't the answer.
    Instead, sit with her and talk. Take her to a therapist and make sure she's not fighting depression. Get her help.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:27 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I can understand your worrying. Being her mom you can't help but worry. I agree with the other two moms that overcompensating with her isn't doing her any favors. It probably is doing more harm than good. Have you sat down and talked to her? How about if you try finding her a therapist to talk to? Being a teen is difficult, more so than when we were young. Good luck and keep on making sure you tell her you love her and that you are there for her.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 1:40 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • First, I feel for you, because it sounds like you love her very much and you want what's best for her. However, as the mom of 2 teens, I would suggest that instead of spending all that money buying her things and trying to overcompensate, you might want to consider taking her in to a counselor or therapist and seeing what they have to say. They might be able to help work out what's going on, why she isn't able to keep friends, etc. and it will also help go a long way towards making sure she DOESN'T hurt herself down the line.

    Also, and this is just speculation, not knowing your dd or the details - but maybe part of the problem is because when things get rough you do change her school, etc? Like, she's not learned how to resolve conflict with friends, and since she's always "the new kid" she doesn't have the chance to build strong relationships, kwim?

    good luck to you both (((hugs)))
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:08 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Don't overcompensate. That won't work in the long run. Try not to take the things she says personally. Take her to counselling if she continues.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 10:50 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I agree with worriedmommy600. You should just be there for her. Maybe you should look into getting her counseling.
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 1:42 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • Thank you all for you feedback, and I am going to look into counseling for her. It seems that most of you were in agreement with that solution, and I have considered it before, but I think now is a good time to go forward with it. I always knew overcompensating wasn't the answer but in the midst of her "drama" it's very hard to say no or was an attempt to cheer her up...so thank you again for taking the time to respond.
    Mykidsrock2011

    Comment by Mykidsrock2011 (original poster) at 1:01 PM on May. 14, 2011

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