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I need some advice... adult content

To make I long story short, when I was thirteen I went away to church camp and was raped by a seventeen year old boy there. I never told my mother but she knew we had dated and the other day she came out of nowhere and me if he had had sex with me. She said that she remembered that I had my nervous breakdown and nearly lost my mind after that and started having nightmares and, I guess she just put two and two together at random. We finally talked about it and I told her what happened and begged her not to say anything about it. This morning she calls me and says that she's been praying about it and she feels like God has told her that we need to tell the pastor what happened.

First of all, every time my mother talks to God, my life gets more miserable. Sometimes I think she just uses that as an excuse to push what she wants and make it sound like God's idea. Second of all, I barely go to that church anymore. Third of all, that boy doesn't even go there anymore, but his parents do and I don't want them telling him and him coming back and saying I was lying. My mother's upset because her pastor and his wife thought it was cute then that that boy was paying so much attention to me. She's upset that they didn't supervise us on the trip. My mother assures me that, if we talk to the pastor then the conversation won't leave the room but word tends to travel fast around this church. It's a small church and most of them members have been there since I was five and also, a similar incident happened with a friend of mine at a different church when we were teenagers. When she confessed to the pastor that another member had been molesting her since she was a child, the pastor was furious. He ended up making it a part of the sermon the next Sunday and, even though he didn't name names, the person accused made a big deal about her telling lies and she ended up leaving the church because they took his side, even the pastor.

I've had problems in the past at this church and they've pretty much fed me to the wolves which is why I don't trust them. My mother is asking me to trust my privacy with someone else. She can't control what he does and she can't promise he won't say anything. How can I trust a man who was driving a car and that kid was sticking his hands up my shirt in the back seat in the back and he didn't even notice? Maybe that's why I resent that church so much. I'm 21 now and I had buried this long ago but now my mother is determined to take a switchblade to the scab and make it worse. I've already started having nightmares again and start shaking every time we talk about it. Why can't my mother just let it go? She wonders why I never confide in her.

Do you think I should let it go or dredge it up and possibly make a big deal about it?

Answer Question
 
Razzle_Dazzle1

Asked by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 4:58 AM on May. 13, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 18 (5,775 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Well its really up to you and what you want to do.if you want to get caught so he wont do it nobody else then go ahead but da same happened to me wen I was 11 so image tjat I never said anything no.body. You should just go to a different church. Apperantly it aint a good church if yhe pastor lets stuff go by like that and not believe you. So yeah just do what you think is best!!!
    LARRYSWiiFE

    Answer by LARRYSWiiFE at 5:14 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Maybe this needs to be told. Why? Your nightmares. You haven't found closure yet. Even if it happens almost 10 years ago it seems that this continues affecting you. You are more worried about what others might think rather than bringing to justice a criminal. If you feel that your life is much better having this secret then tell your mother that you can accuse her of defamation...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Cont....You have to understand that your mother might see something in you that's is not right. Maybe your mother sees you suffering and she feels the only way to help you is by telling. Talk to your mother more about it. You let your mother assumed what had happened. Maybe if you sit down with your mother and start talking you'll see that things will get better. Both are there for each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • It is not your Mother's choice to disclose this to her pastor...if you want to talk to someone and possibly look into pressing charges that is 100% your choice. And if you do not that is also your choice. (I think at this point the statute of limitations could be up which is why if you are interested in pressing charges you should speak to a lawyer or a law enforcement officer. Of course I am not either of those so please do not assume I am correct about that!!!!) Aside from that you should probably speak to a counselor or other professional about the incident. Good luck:)
    BetcCarter

    Answer by BetcCarter at 5:47 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Personally I've been in a similar situation and I'd tell your mother to butt out. If you need help with your nightmares, see a therapist. But I can see no good coming out of talking with the pastor. You don't trust him and thats no kind of "therapy" for you. I'm sorry you went through that.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 5:52 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • This is really your choice not your mothers. Tell her you pray too and God didn't tell you to talk to the pastor.  I think counseling is a great idea because this was obviously traumatic and your still struggling with what happened, but you need to find a counselor you trust and like not one your mother has decided on. 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:59 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Don't talk to your Mother as she seems controlling, do find a therapist that deals with this type of thing. You do need healing, admitting it and getting help is the first step. From there press charges against him. Yes the Church might condemn you and circle the wagons around him. Sad and sick I know but that's what can happen. That's why you need to heal and get outside help away from them, first. Prayers and hugs dear.
    daps

    Answer by daps at 6:05 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • First, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Know that you did nothing wrong. Know that God LOVES you. My knee-jerk response is to move....far away. But, I dunno if this is a real possibility for you. Please, take the time, for YOU. Time to heal. Beth Moore has great resources available. A lot of places offer free or reduced counseling. If this church is not a SAFE place to be, then do NOT be there. This is not the only church in the world. Get out. I am in favor of pressing charges and have responsibly on the shoulders of whom it belongs. Don't put guilt on yourself, but on the right source/person. The unfortunate part of church is that it is made up of people and sometimes because it has the label "church" people put all sort of attributes or qualities on the people that go there that are just unfounded. Trust has to be earned. It does not come through a membership of in an organization. Don't give up.
    ssmiley4u

    Answer by ssmiley4u at 6:25 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • What kind of church do you go to? ( or does your mother go to )
    1lilgirl

    Answer by 1lilgirl at 7:06 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I think you should confront the "boy" himself. Face your fear....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:10 AM on May. 13, 2011

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