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3 Bumps

DCF/CPS was called on my childrens father saying he sexual abused...

My ex is 50 he has a DD who is 26..I am 25...she called DCF saying he had sexually abused her and her DD now 10 when they were younger and she was worried about my DD 5...well I have NEVER had any reason to believe this of the man...he is a drunk and can be a jerk...yes,but a pedifile..no...she called me and told me she had called and he had touched her when she was like 8...he was in prison at that time...and then she said she touched her DD when she was 6 when I babysat her and sometimes i had to go to work and he was alone with her...they didnt have any reason to believe anything was going on with my DD...neither did I...now my mom who hates the man doesnt think any of that is true...she made a good point that if he liked little girl peepees he has tons of nieces and great nieces he would not of stopped...I as a parent though am torn...someone is lieing and I dont want to believe either of them would be sick enough to either lie about it or do it...he never had a relationship with his DD so I dont know if that plays a role in this or not,but I'm lost as to how to handle this...the case has been closed,but do I allow my DD to g over there? he lives with his sister and my DD is 5 but she knows no one is supposed to touch your peepee and she is very addimant about no one seeing it either...something I tought her at a young age because I was molested when I was younger...now thats another issue...if this were true I cant wrap my head around why she would allow her DD around him alone...that doesnt sit well with me at all...I know I would never allow my DD around the man who molested me...any thought?

Answer Question
 
happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 8:44 AM on May. 13, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would take Dd to counseling. If she was abused she will need to talk about it in a safe and supportive environment. If she wasn't (hopefully she wasn't) you can hopefully get to the heart of her lying. You have to support Dd on this- she needs you. I can not imagine how hard it would be for a 10 yr old to cone forward w abuse and not be believed if it was true. Best of luck to you and your family.
    bloomsr

    Answer by bloomsr at 8:50 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Wow sorry you have to go through this :( I try to be optimistic on this stuff considering what my sisters went through, but honestly since you don't know maybe just don't leave her alone with him. It may hurt him a bit, but he should also respect you as a parent. I've been through this is court, and since there were no charges pressed against the man, the judge just said the child cannot be left alone with him.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:52 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Id do whatever cps suggests, do some counseling and let whatever evidence comes out speak for itself. If something happened then there are trained specialists who will determine that. They can also determine when someone is likely lying.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:54 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • She could have repressed the memories. As for the nieces is there any way to know that he has not hurt them? Also pedophiles have a type that they go after and some only go after their children and grand kids. As sick as it is. You said the case was closed what did they determine?

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 8:55 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • it's not my DD it's his adlut DD who called saying she was abused when she was 8...he was in prison at that time...so it's not possible at least not for him to be the 1 who did it and she also said HER DD was sexually abused by him when she was 6 he was around so it could be possible and she is now 10 and just now supposedly coming foward..they now live in Texas and we live in FL. MY DD was spoken to by DCF and childrens addvocacy and neither belive anything has happened...The thing that makes me think shes lieing other then the fact he was in prison when it supposedly happened to her is why would she allow her DD around him...I just dont get that 1 at all.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 9:00 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I asked her if her DD telling her about it brought the memories back and she said no she always remembered and she is the 1 who asked her DD about it because she caught her playing wih herself...I am friends with 1 of his nieces and I asked her about it and she asked her cousines and her DD and so on down the chain and all of them said he never touched them...so IDK...I guess I'll just let him have her supervised and no overnights for a while...he should understand.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 9:05 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • yeah that does kinda not make sense why she would allow her daughter around him if he did it to her and then her daughter. Even if the case was he did it ti her and not the daughter why take the chance of it happening? As a woman who has went thru molestation many times by my own parents and then numerous foster then my adoptive father i am super cautious about who i let my children around. And if i even thought for a second that something might be fishy they don't go near that person unless i am 100% sure. And why after all this time come with this now? i get not talking about it for a while and maybe therapy has brought her to realize she can talk about it now but like you said things don't add up. I wouldn't out and out tell her i don't believe her i would ask her more questions and tell her it's b/c my daughter is now going around this person and i need some more facts. i hope this helps
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 9:09 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • this also could have spawned (if it's a lie) from something he did that pissed her off although i hate this sometimes woman use this as a way to get back at a man. And unfortunitly it is horrible for all parties involved.
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 9:10 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I understand that,but she did come for a visit around that age and he was in prison for several yrs. I' was molested and I rmemeber i was in elementary between 4-5th grade so I get you dont rmemeber exact ages....the whole thing just sucks and I hate that I know 1 of them is lieing and so far the evidence is pointing to her,but as a victim myself i hate to think she would lie about it...this is hard!!
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 9:14 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Generally people don't make up stuff like that on the fly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on May. 13, 2011

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