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2 Bumps

Ex-girlfriend's parents sent dh a birthday card...

Am I the only one that would be upset about this?

Dh dated Kelsey for 18-20mo before I met him, and they had a horribly messy breakup. Neither here, nor there.

Dh and I were invited to Dh's long-time friend's wedding last what, September? October? Just so happened the friend works with the ex's dad, and the ex's whole family was there. That's no problem.

While 8mo pregnant, (had only met the groom a handful of times) I sat down at the reception at a table of people my age, hoping to make friends while Dh was taking pictures. (He was in the wedding party.) Two hours passed! I finally get up, and start making my way out to the restroom. I'm walking through t&e tables, and I hear a whistle. (that's our call for eachother in a crowd.) I turn to see Dh sitting at a table with Kelsey, her mom, dad, and fiance. He had two empty cups stacked in front of him, had a plate from dinner and half a piece of cake in front of him. He'd been there a while. He introduced me, and I sat and had a civil conversation, trying to give them every chance I'd give any stranger. The whole hour we were at the table, Kelsey kept talking about things that had happened when they were dating, so, bored, her fiance and I talked about science, history, etc., as we really weren't included in the conversation they were having. As we went to leave, both Kelsey and her mom wanted hugs. I was extremely uncomfortable, but gave in since everyone Dh knows uses that as a typical greeting. I made no inclination that I wanted to see them again, never offered an, "if you're in the area stop by"

Saturday is Dh's bday. Yesterday, I went to check the mail, and there was a card in Dh's name from them. It felt like it ought to be a graduation invite, (their son is a senior this year) and couldn't figure out why she would address it just to him. Dh opened it. It was a birthday card.

I'm in no way threatened by this girl, as Dh and I have 5 yrs and 2 beautiful baby boys. But, I AM annoyed dh gave them our new address, and talks to the ex's parents over the phone pretty frequently, I mean, once.every couple weeks. I'm upset he left me sitting alone to mingle with them. I'm just upset he keeps putting me in a position to get jealous.

How would you feel? I guess I'm coming across as needing some approval for the way I feel, but really, I just want to be assured I was being overly lenient, and not about to blow over something small. I look at it this way, I would NEVER ditch him to spend time with my ex's family, let alone make him sit with them, NOR give them my address! Is it ok to confront the issue now? It's been brought up, and he knows how thrilled I am about it, and I'd never tell dh who he could or could not be friends with. But with everything I picked up from them, and learning that after that night, Kelsey called off the engagement, seems to me like her mom is just keeping her name in there, just in case.


Asked by matobe at 10:45 AM on May. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • whoa!! well first of all- crazy props to you for handling everything so well, i could NOT have done that lol. seriously, i'm not even the jealous type usually but there's one ex of my SO that infuriates me, and her family sounds like the family of your dh's ex. i think you are fully okay to have every feeling you've expressed. but i also think he's still with you and of course loves you..regardless, if you're concerned than i would just sit down and really express it to him. my SO's ex's mother called him once to have drinks b/c she was in town, and i couldn't believe he even considered it...i had to sit there and explain, asking why would he want to see the mother of the woman he claims broke his heart years ago, a woman who also kept confessing her love to him AFTER she found out about me and our dd (she's a nutbag) he decided not to go. maybe your dh doesn't realize how much it bothers you, just try talking about it.

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:16 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I wouldn't worry, if he is just catching up for old times and loves you there is no reason to worry. now, if he is sneaking off to see her or texting her like crazy put your foot down but let him know you are a bit on edge and see how he feels

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Honestly hun you're looking for trouble where there isn't any.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 10:49 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • the fact that he left you alone while he was over with her and her family is VERY wierd & i would of been extremley upset. that whole situation sounds pretty wierd. them sitting there talking about things that happened while they were dating, wierd. i would of been pissed.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:51 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Unfortunately men's brains aren't wired the same as women's. yeah he shouldn't have left you alone for that long, should have come and got you to join them straight away. But other then that.... there's nothing to have your nose out of joint about. It's nice that his ex's parents made the effort to send a card. More people should be so kind... then world would be a less angry place to raise your kids in.


    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:00 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • As long as he isn't unreasonable in his contact with them I wouldn't worry about it. How does he feel about it. I wouldn't worry unless there is more contact than just them sending him a card.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 11:00 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • He's talkg to her parents not her...and she has a fiance...i wouldnt worry about.

    Answer by happymama02 at 11:05 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I'd tell my hubby I was uncomfortable with the card and tell him to take care of it. Mostly, I would just want him to ignore any attempts made her or her family to contact him. It's purely not needed.

    Answer by kaylan010 at 11:06 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I think its time to have a nice, long, calm conversation with the hub. I'd be absolutely pissed off if my man left me alone at a wedding to go talk to his ex's family. He knows I don't do well in a group of strangers anyway. I HAVE to have some kind of familiarity. That's the part I'd most be concerned about.

    The b-day card...not THAT big of a deal, unless that woman tries to inject herself into y'all's marriage and tries to break it up.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:41 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Wow, what nerve! I'd make sure she got Christmas card this year, and have a picture of you two lip locked on the front!

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 1:03 PM on May. 13, 2011