DD's pre-school went to the zoo yesterday. In walking around, we came up to the family of a little girl that DD is friends with in class ('A'). We stopped at a table so the girls could eat Dippy Dots and we got to talking. Turns out they adopted 'A.' It was a situation to where they were friends with the BMom and were asked by her if they wanted to adopt the baby. This friend now lives in CA (we are in OH) and visits once every couple of years...she is known as "Aunt ___." 'A' does not know she is adopted.
She said she wanted to wait until 'A' was old enough to understand it before she told her that she was adopted and that Aunt ___ is really her BMom. I pointed out to her that DD has known she was adopted from the get-go and knows who her BMom is. 'A' is 4 months younger than DD and they are both going to Kindergarten next year. To show the mom that 'A' wasn't too young to know about and start to understand about her adoption, I asked DD to tell me about her adoption. So she speaks up "J and J are my brothers and A is my birthmom. I get to play with J when we visit. Mommy, when are we going to see J again?" I don't know if it did any good in making her rethink things, but I'm not going to harp on her about the benefits of never having that "What? I'm adopted? You lied to me!" moment during our first time meeting.
So this morning DD and I are talking about how fun the zoo was and she says all happily "'A' is adopted like me!" My heart sank. I don't want to tell her not to talk about it because I don't in any way want her to think that her adoption is anything to be ashamed of, but I'm just picturing DD saying something to 'A' about it and that causing all sorts of problems. But yet add a however much time until this mom tells 'A' she is adopted and her telling DD and DD saying "I know"...well, that would cause problems in their friendship. I'm almost secretly hoping that this friendship doesn't last to avoid any future problems, but yet I love the idea that DD very well may grow up very close to someone else who is adopted.
Answer by dwmom2008 at 11:28 AM on May. 13, 2011
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