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3 Bumps

Deep Thoughts...

What is it like raising two children as a single mother? I'm married right now and have been having problems for years. I'm to the point where I want out.. I want to know what to expect if I do leave and take the kids with me. I have a full-time job that is 3rd shift. I should be able to support myself in an apartment. I've been married for 7 years. I probably won't leave, but these are thoughts I get from time to time. I just need opinions from mothers who have personal experience with this..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on May. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If you want out don't wait. Don't try to talk yourself out of it when you know in your gut it's not worth it. I wasted an extra year trying to "work things out" with my ex. One day he was being the same ass he always is and I just packed up my stuff and left with my son and I never went back to that house. He's still living like a bum and is miserable and I'm in my own place, have a job, pay everything myself, and my son could not be happier. People are stronger than they give themselves credit for.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 11:47 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • It depends on how your husband reacts. My mom left with me and my sister when we were young because my dad abused her. She had custody battles and child support problems for years afterwards. We had trouble at first with settling down, but once we got a house and a routine it was much better.
    siera_lyn

    Answer by siera_lyn at 11:54 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • i was a single mother for the first few years of my daughter's life, but her father was never involved...so my experience is quite difference. but as far as being a single mother, it's hard- but doable!! i've always said it's better for children to be raised by a happy single parent than an unhappy couple, and i still believe that. you don't know what you can do or handle until you just do it!!! when i was a single mom i was in college full time (w/ a 3.8 gpa) and working, so i didn't have much of a social life, but i didn't care. i was involved with my daughter and it was incredible. so it's definitely hard work, less sleep, things like that, BUT the rewards made it all worth it. now my SO and i are raising my daughter, and as much as i love him, sometimes i think it was easier as a single mother- because i had final say on everything with her, regardless. if you're unhappy though and are really considering it, why wait??
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:04 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I have 3 and it sucks!!!! not sure the ages of yours but mine are not in school so working was hard so i had to live with family..the only benefit of which was the break I would sometimes get...it's not easy at all!!!!
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 12:08 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • The problems I have with my husband is involved with finances and romance. We can't come to the same conclusion financially, because he is caught up in conspiracy theories and want to invest in things that I see as pointless. We have debts to pay off. He gets on my nerves so bad. I love him and he loves me, but he keeps pushing me away with his craziness. I keep reminding him that he needs to be more romantic. He was romantic when we dated, but it stopped when we got married. He's a good daddy and he once told me that he would understand if I left. He hopes that I don't but understands if I do. I'm tired of dealing with his issues. He's a good daddy, just not a good husband.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:11 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • What is it like? That simply can't be answered here. There's too much involved.
    What to expect? That depends. On you, on him, on the kids, where you live, and a million other factors.
    Third shift? Do you know of an available daycare that'll keep the kids overnight? Because if you're planning on them spending their nights w/ your husband, that means he will have primary physical custody, and you may very well end up paying CS to him.

    My own personal experiences: It's been f***ing HELL, but I didn't have a choice. It sounds as if you do, and I'd be looking seriously into counseling/therapy, either as a couple or by yourself, before I'd be willing to leave.
    KLBrown

    Answer by KLBrown at 12:22 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I am not sure
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:27 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • The only thing that I can say that I think is fairly consistent for any single mother is that if you're in a bad marriage, becoming a single mother will be harder but you will be happier. What it will be like for you and what you can expect is really dependent on you, your kids, your ex, and a whole host of other factors that are individual to every situation.

    You need to decide what to do based on what will be better for everyone involved, not what you think it might be like raising kids on your own. If you think it's best to divorce, for all of you, then do that. Have you had any counseling, though? I would try that before you leave him - that way, you won't wonder "what if" later and maybe have regrets.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:30 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • well seriously, if you love him and vise versa.. i suggest trying to take control over the finances first.. then trying to bring romance back into the relationship. You cant always count on the guy to be romantic, sometimes you have to show you still love them and want the romance for them to remember what it's like. Try it first, and see how it goes.

    being a single mom isn't easy, but if you really can't make it work with their father you have to do what you have to do for you and your kids. My situation was different though.. there was no compromise, my ex is a complete loser and it took me years to realize just how much of one he was. He's no longer in their lives.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:06 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Every situation is different because we're all different and in life we all face our own struggles...Being a single parent isn't easy, just like sometimes having two parents in the home isn't easy...We can all paint a picture but it would be from our own personal stories and struggles...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:38 PM on May. 13, 2011

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