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I need advice on this bad!!! Please help me !

My dad is slowly slipping away he is on hospice and isiat the end stage of COPD and my 14 almost 15 year old son and him are very very close, I had health issues when he was younger and my dad took care of him but to make this seem not so long, Kory has told us he wants to be there when poppy passes if he can and I never had a problem with this until his school counsler called me to touch base with me on him and she said I see you picked him up early on Tuesday, well I did but that day my dad wanted to have all of us there even my husband he wanted to tell everyone he loved them so hubby came home we went and got both grandkids and basically said our goodbys, well dad is still here and the counsler said in so many words I was wrong Kory has no business being there and he was to young to make this decision and I should just tell him if he is at school when this happends to tell him there was not enough time to come get him! Am I wrong for letting him be there?? Hospice has give nus all stuff to read the about the dying process .

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on May. 13, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (19)
  • Teens should totally be allowed to make their own decisions about being with a loved one in their last moments. He may need to make sure he grandpa "knows" he is not alone while slipping away. School counselor's are there to let you know about poor grades, fighting and possible drug abuse. They are not paid to counsel a family dealing with an impending death. Ignore her and do what your son wants.
    hollydaze1974

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:49 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • LET HIM BE THERE. My son and mother (he was her only grandchild) were EXTREMELY close.......he was 13 when she died. He got to see her a few hours before (she waited for he and I to get there, thank God) and it was the best thing for him. You and your family can work through the grieving process with him, don't deny him........you know your son better than anyone.........
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 11:57 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • Your son is old enough to understand, and saying goodbye is always a good thing, I would have done the same, the counselor has no business in your private life, dying is a natural process and he will encounter this many times again, you did the right thing.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:02 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Whether he is there or not, the grieving will follow. This "counselor" has no right to judge what is best for you and your children. You need to do what is best for your child, if he wants to be there, then to me it is wrong to deny him. How awesome the two of them are close and that your son has the love and compassion to want to be there for his Poppy. :-) We can not shield our children from all of the pains of life and death. At this age, your son does know what is best for him, at much younger years, it would depend wether it was the best for a child, but he is old enough to know what is best for him regarding this. I am sorry for your pain... What a great thing your dad got to be with your son this long ! My father died suddenly when my kids were very young. God Bless you all....
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 12:11 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I dont think so.
    I was 15 when my Grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. It advanced fast. I was 16, still in school.... every day after school while he was in hospital, I was there til visiting hours were over. On the night he passed, I was not there... it was a school night, but we got the call around 10:30. I so badly wish that I was there.

    YOU make the decision with your hubby as to what is right or wrong for your son... and if he's mature enough to handle this.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 11:56 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I actually do not agree with the counselor. Seeing someone you love die is not an easy thing and if you son wants to do it, you shoud sit down and talk to him and let him know that it is hard. Let him ask you questions but be sure he knows what he is in for. However, if he still wants to be there, you should let him. If you do not, he may be angry at you once it is over. Someone knows when they need to be some place and do something for someone they love. If he has this need, you should really let him.
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 1:40 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • The school counselor needs to mind her own business. I dont see anything wrong with making your child available so everyone can say their good byes. My grandma died in 2002 and she asked for the same thing. She needed to say good bye and know it was alright to pass on basically.
    As for letting him be there when he actually dies, I wouldnt. But I know for our family that is just something we would never do. I dont know your family or how you do things like this so I cant answer for you. My kids dont even go to funerals.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:55 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • sorry, but me personally, I wouldn't want my child to have to go through witnessing the passing of a loved one, not only would it be devastating, but it could have a huge impact on the child as far as coping, and grief.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:55 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • I also meant to add, God Bless you and your family.
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 11:58 AM on May. 13, 2011

  • i was really close to my grandmother and she died when i was 16, almost 17... it was hard enough on me without being there when she passed. it's totally up to you and your family but if it were me i know i couldn't handle it
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 11:59 AM on May. 13, 2011

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