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3 Bumps

When moms chose the wrong guys ... over and over and over.

My 23 year old cousin does this and it drives me crazy.

She has 2 children by different fathers and has been married twice -- but the husbands and the kids fathers are all different men. There has been several others too....

pretty much, every month ( sometimes twice a month) she will have a new boyfriend... and they get completely involved with the kids ( they have ALL moved in with her as soon as they start dating) ...

We basically had a family intervention and told her to please try to make better choices for her kids.... and we though it worked because she was going on 2 months with no new men.... well today she changed her facebook status to in a relationship... all of her friends are condratulating her and everything over this ... well I know this boy because we went to school together ( i am 1 year older than her) ... and he is a huge partier, and already has ATLEAST 3 kids ( that I know of for sure) ... one look at his profile and it has all kinds of picutres of him pariting ( drinking, smoking a bong ) and probably over 50 of him with several different girls - most of the sprawled on him and half naked...

This just drives me crazy and I cant just ignore it because I love her kids ( I have them alot ) ... but obviously sitting her down and talking to her doesnt work....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on May. 13, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (15)
  • Ish, I'm so sorry - that's SO Frustrating to have to watch and know about..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:54 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Okay lets play devils advocate what if she is looking for the right guy and maybe she is going about it all wrong maybe you need to sit her down and say having sex with guys and moving in with them before you get to know them is a huge booty call now your the move in booty call. You need to tell her if she looking for a guy she should first stop find a stable place and figure out what she has to offer and stop chasing lust around. Maybe she needs to learn the difference between love and lust???

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:59 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • She obviously has insecurity issues, try hanging out with her doing positive things to restore her confidence. GL!

    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 1:01 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • She obviously has some serious issues. I would also be concerned about her kids and the affect of all the different men running in & out of thier lives like a revolving door. Its time someone put some common sense into her head before its too late.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:05 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • That is sad. SHe doesn't learn from experience. ANd she is looking in all the wrong places,obviously. Or does she LIKE rotten guys with bad habits and promiscuity?
    What a life,huh?She needs to learn to live without a guy....or at least until she grows up and learns somethng.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 1:28 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • She needs to learn to live w/o a guy and concentrate on raising her children for a while because they are most important. During this alone time hopefully she will find herself and once she does that it maybe easier for her to date.Once she begins to date again she shouldnot allow over the night stays with her guy friends to happen for at leat a few months after knowing them because the kids are seeing all of this.
    prdVirgobby

    Answer by prdVirgobby at 1:34 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • How old are the kids? Maybe point out to her that you do not mind her dating, but that it hurts the kids to get attached to a new guy and have them leave. If the kids are old enough have her talk to them about how it makes them feel when the new guys move in and how they feel when they leave.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 2:00 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • This really is a sad situation and some woman just dont know how to handle it... I am a mother of 2 and when I went through my divorce with their father I made a promise to myself and mostly to them that i would not bring men in and out of their lives. After a while I did start dating again but only when my kids were gone to their dads. I never introduced any of them to my chiildren until I met my husband now. It was further into our relationship before he met them and also after him and i had a talk about how important this matter was to me. You cousin just needs guidance and not a negitive reaction to the way she is going about it. She needs to be shown how important this matter should be to her and her children. and like i said some woman just dont know how to handle the situation or choose to handle it a different way and it is sad for the children involed.
    Kats86

    Answer by Kats86 at 2:18 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • It won't be long till her kids have somthing to say about it too. Sometimes the only thing you can do is be a good example; not for her, for her kids. Invite them over for weekends or for a few weeks in the summer. Give them a chance to see that there is another way to live.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:37 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I went through that but on the bright side I met my husband/best friend that way. Its not the choice of men that is her problem its the idea of being lonely, the lack of self asteem, something around those catagories. Find her help in that area and you will fix all the problems. Trust me I went through the same thing. Sometimes after I got what I thought I wanted I miss the way things were. I got to dicipline the kids the way I wanted. I slept with my son next to me and I miss that. I spent the money how my son and I wanted. Mabey talk to her about those things. Don't lecture her about them just lightly tell her to keep that in mind and think it over when choosing a mate.
    Kimkh

    Answer by Kimkh at 3:20 PM on May. 13, 2011

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