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5 Bumps

I think my husband may be cheating on me...WHAT DO I DO?

So I originally joined this site to stock up on mommy-advice (I'm pregnant with my first, due in January) but now I'm just panicking and don't know where else to turn. I think my husband's cheating on me. His behavior's been really erratic lately - coming home late, never is where he says he'll be, etc, and then yesterday I found condoms in the pocket of the pants he wore to work....we stopped using condoms about 4 months after we got married. I wanted to ask my girlfriends for advice but when I did they said I should leave him because "its not like hes the father of my children or anything." We haven't told anyone but our parents about the pregnancy because we've had a really hard time conceiving (it took us almost two years to get pregnant the first time, and after two first-trimester miscarriages I decided not to tell anyone until month #4). I don't want my friends to know I'm pregnant incase I lose the baby and I become the object of their pity once again, but if they don't know then I feel like they can't give me any good advice, so I'm putting it all out here, in cyberworld instead. HELP PLEASE! I can't figure out whether to confront him or leave him or hope things get better when the baby comes...DESPERATE OVER HERE!

Answer Question
 
staceface420

Asked by staceface420 at 7:26 PM on May. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Condoms in his work pants are definitely not a good sign. I have no advice for you, sweetie. I'm so sorry. :(
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 7:28 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Do you have ONE close friend you could trust?
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 7:28 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Based on my personal experience.....


    1) Why leave before you even know if it's true or not? That seems to be putting the cart before the horse so to speak.


    2) Confront if you have suspicions. Confront in a manner that is as logical, calm and rational as you possibly can. The more emotional you are, the more emotional he will respond. If both become overally emotionally, no actual conversing with happen, all that will take place is reactionary emotional outburst. Both need to be calm and rational for a productive conversation to take place.


    3) If you feel he is not being honest,  for whatever reason. Then proceed to find evidence either supporting fidelity or infidelity.


    4) Once you actually know for sure. Then you must decide how to proceed from there. How you will/should proceed will depend greatly on if you wish to stay married or not.

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:31 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult time. You do have to make some hard choices now.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:34 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • You deserve to know the truth - he may not give it to you but someday you will find out - it always comes out in the wash.
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 7:42 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • If you havent used condoms in a long time then either he is cheating or he is thinking about cheating. confront him and tell him you know about the condoms. or you can hire a PI whichever is easier for you
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 7:44 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Just saying, If this were me, I'd be asking a lot of questions especially since you found the condoms! What if he would have found them, wouldn't he be asking you questions? I mean, he's" your husband", why can't you two have a conversation about the way your feeling? If your having doubts because he's"coming home late and condoms in the pocket, you have every right to demand answers! It's unfortunate you have to feel this way when it should be a happy time in your life. I wish you the best!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:45 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • This exact same thing happened to my best friend! She found the lipstick-on-the-collar (men are such cliches!!) and then snooped a little on his phone and found out that he was actually cheating on her! Which I personally thought was insane because not only is she gorgeous (OK, I might be a little bias, but seriouslyy) but her pregnancy hormones are making her a little wild! As in crazy for him! So their sex life has actually gotten BETTER with pregnancy. Anyway, I gave her this book another friend gave me, it's called the Real Secrets Women Only Whisper. I wasn't facing infidelity, but instead having problems with my blended family (5 kids - one of mine, two of his, two of ours - his ex, my ex all ads up to crazyness!) and I swear that book is like the Bible in my household. Literally anything I'm insecure about or questioning, wanting some girl-talk for is in the book! hope this helps and good luck!
    jaybird495

    Answer by jaybird495 at 7:53 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • oh sorry - i think the author's name is donna anteby and the book is definitely available on amazon! pleasepleaseplease give it a chance!
    jaybird495

    Answer by jaybird495 at 7:54 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Okay "fingerpainter" thats not good advice. Thats not saying anything... You want her to cry herself to sleep at night andthink about this all the time...
    Here is some advice ask him about it and see what he has to say.he might not be honest but then say do u even love me &the baby that im carrying? Do all you can to get some answers outta him...thats wat I used to do. Id even throw something in like the girl you messin with called your phone last night. And it would get him every time so yeah try it
    LARRYSWiiFE

    Answer by LARRYSWiiFE at 8:01 PM on May. 13, 2011

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