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How much say should a step-parent have in the discipline process?

I'm talking about when the step-children are living in the same home as the step-parent

Does it make a difference if the bio-parent is not in the childs life in any way, shape or form and the step-parent is the only mom/dad the child knows?

 
Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 8:35 PM on May. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • If the child is small and the step parent is actually playing a role as parent, then they should have just as much say as the bio-parent would. If you don't want your child to have another parent, don't marry one. Step parents do just as much work to provide and care for children as bio-parents so they should get equal rights to discipline as well.

    Personally, I don't like the notion of step parents... They are either parents or not...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 9:11 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • If the step child is living in your home and has no contact with her bio-mom then you are her mother in every way that counts. I would raise her like she was born of your own body and treat her the same as any other child. You are her mother and you should be able to discipline her the way you and your husband/So see fit.
    CaseyErin

    Answer by CaseyErin at 8:45 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • yes, imo it makes all the difference if the other bio-parent isn't involved. they have no say or control over anything because they chose to remove themselves from the equation. this is the scenario i'm living now.. my oldest knows my husband as her dad because he's been there for her from infancy and her bio-dad has never been there. my husband is allowed to enforce the same rules and correct behavior with her the same as he is with the 2 younger children we created together, which in my oldest's case is revoking of certain privileges and time-outs. we aren't spankers anyway but he's been informed by me that he's not allowed to spank my daughter, ever. if her bio-dad was involved i would never agree to or be okay with his wife spanking my daughter, i think if spanking is used it should be done by the bio-parents only. if the bio-parents are both involved then there has to be an agreement on the step-parents' say.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:46 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • If it is my children's future step-mom NONE. Her own daughter is a hellion, why should she discipline mine when she won't take care of her own.She has values that most moms would find dispicable like allowing them access to pornography. She is also a drug addict, so NO. I think it depends of the family dynamics though. At my house, I will say something if my significant other isn't around for things like burping or playing too rough, but major discipline is communicated to his dad to be dealt with. Of course, his dad and I are on the same page and I respect his mom's rules. There are things I would discipline but she finds acceptable so in our family my children understand my expectations for them but that my significant other's son is allowed other things. I guess I'm also lucky that he wants to do what I expect even if he knows his mom would let him do something else. My SO has the same attitude with my kids.
    t3dragonflies

    Answer by t3dragonflies at 9:24 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • Depends on how long the step parent has been around.But I agree if you don't trust the person enough to discipline your kids which is part of parenting them then your marrying the wrong person.
    Iamasinglemom99

    Answer by Iamasinglemom99 at 9:47 PM on May. 13, 2011

  • I think they deserve some say but should never trump a bio parent. Also I think it is important for step parents to keep in mind that punishing a child without the support of their spouse/bio parent it may cause resentment not only with the child and spouse but also with the other bio parent. It is a very fine line.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 8:05 AM on May. 14, 2011

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