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Feeling guilty for wanting to stop breast feeding

my daughter is ten days old. and im doing it all by myself (no father in the picture) and im exclusively pumping because she had trouble actually breast feeding. she was born early so maybe thats why? im constantly up all night, pumping, feeding, changing, burping, soothing, etc. and by the time im finally done with everything shes awake within thirty minutes. i havent slept more than 3 hours a day since she was born and im just so tired. but i feel so guilty and like a bad mother for wanting to stop the craziness and just use formula so maybe i can get a little more rest. any advice or thoughts?

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Asked by xunlucxyx0 at 1:58 AM on May. 14, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 8 (209 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • every breastfeeding mother feels this way.... its damn hard! But you're half way through the hard part. its so much easier after about 3 weeks! But don't feel guilty if you give it up, its not for everyone and its hard work! I bf my oldest for about 5 days and my second dd for 4 months. each kid is different. hang in there momma (((hugs)))

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 2:01 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • You're not a bad mother, do what is right for you. Formula is not poison so if you choose to give your baby that then that's okay too. If you don't want to stop breastfeeding completely you could do half and half and that will probably work better for you.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 2:04 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • I was in your situation, single mom with no father in the picture. He was able to breast feed though and I wasn't able to pump properly. I stuck with it for 3 weeks but It was horrible for me. I barely got any sleep and he wanted to eat all the time. I even consulted a lactation specialist. I eventually switched to formula because I was miserable to the point of resenting my son. Yah, that's an awful way to feel about your newborn.
    Formula saved me! He has a happy, healthy baby as well and now he's a wonderful 5 year old.
    Do what you think is right for you and the baby, don't let others' judgement make you feel bad.


    Answer by simonsmomma at 2:04 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • You only feel thins way because your baby is still new you haven't had the time to get it going yet and not every baby and mother pick it up right away ether. Dont give up I know your tired you will be. So here maybe some of these things might help ok. You can always lay down with her on the bed while feeding her but keep the tv one or some thing with noise to keep you awake then put her back in her own bed. You need to be taking naps when the baby is sleeping. Dont worrie about the chorse or keeping your self all done up right now thats for later lol... You need to start getting on a rutein so this way the feeding part isn't bad. She will be eatting every 3-4hrs. but it will seem like less if you dont sleep too. You are changing her after she eats right and then burp and into bed. It's good to be able to still make noise around the house while they sleep so dont ever think you have to tip toe around. The pumpping isnt bad

    Answer by butterflies78 at 2:08 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • If you do end up having to go for the formula, don't feel bad. I couldn't breastfeed with my first son, because he was tongue tied and couldn't latch on. But I would like to add that pumping and feeding the bottle to your baby is gonna make your milk supply drop really quick, cuz they can get more milk out than a pump can...I would say just keep practicing for the next few days and see if things get better....the usually do...I'm now breastfeeding my 2nd child, and it wa REALLY hard the first few weeks, but it gets so much easier. And it might seem like it would be easier to just formula feed, but if you think about it, you have to pour the water, mix in the powder, sit there and feed it to them, wash the bottles and nipples, and not to mention, formula is really expensive. But yeah, try not to pump for a little while (unless you just wanna store up some milk 4 outings) and just keep practicing feeding her. You can do it!! lol

    Answer by summermail88 at 2:11 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • you can do this when you filling up or if she didnt eat much the first feeding, while shes asleep. The mile can go in the frezer for two days and frig for the same day use. This way you can still be giveing her the brest but its in the bottle and some one else can feed her while you take a break go in the shower take 30min. lol... So there are going to be times you want and feel like giving up on it (brestfeeding) and think this will never end. It will get better and you both will get use to it just hold her. I hope this helps. If not just pump untill you have no more before changing because it really is better. Hang in there the first few months untill you both get to know each other is going to be ruff. Its worth it when you look at them whil their quit and sleeping lol. I have four 12, 7, 5, 3 and there are still times I dont sleep good and I just started back to school. We are moms we can do it

    Answer by butterflies78 at 2:18 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • Don't feel guilty mama! Hugs. Our number one priority is to get food into our baby's tummy . . . however that may be. Don't torture yourself over it. It is absolutely okay to formula feed. Absolutely.

    I breastfed my kids, but then, at 9 months, my second weaned himself, so we did formula, and it is AWESOME! I could go more places with him, leave him with a sitter . . . it was easier for me.

    Really. If you know you gave it a good go, and it still isn't working, then it is okay to find another strategy.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:53 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • talk to a lactate consultant, they will help you learn to properly latch, how to produce more milk. with my first kid I thought the same thing.. but then I learned so much AFTER I had already stopped (she was about 3 weeks old).. and now that I have my second and we are on 5 months of breast feeding I wish I would have researched more and talked to a consultant and I would have known I could have done it. It is fustrating as a first time mom, but honestly, I get more sleep now from breast feeding than I did bottle feeding with my first. When I breast feed I can just lay down with her.. when I bottle fed I had to get up, warm up a bottle, feed her, burp her, put the bottle in the sink, THEN go back to bed.. with breast feeding, I roll over, and feed her, burp, and we both go right back to sleep. ANd she's only 10 days old hun, she'll start sleeping through the night soon and you'll feel better then.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:39 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • First of all, being a new Mom is a challenge. You are not bad or crazy or lazy. It is hard for everyone. Breastfeeding is a learned skill, it is healthier for the baby but in the long run kids who get formula do turn out just fine. Don't let anyone, including yourself, make you feel like a failure if breastfeeding is not the best option forever.

    That said, it IS worth trying and it will take more than 10 days to get comfortable/make it work. I pumped full time since neither of my kids latched well reliably and both were born small and needed to 'tank up' in their first weeks. Does your area have a La Leche League which could offer breastfeeding help or resources to find a lactaction person? Do you attend a church, Moms' club, social group that could offer some relief for non-feeding tasks (anyone can do laundry, prepare meals, etc??)

    Formula was a good solution but I never regretted trying pumping. Good luck!

    Answer by tigrefan98 at 3:45 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • I went through the same exhaustion in the first weeks, and I had my sister and husband for support. I didn't make it more than 4 weeks. My son couldn't latch AT ALL. After 3 lactation consultant visits, 2 pediatric visits, taking milkweed, trying beer (which I HATE), and my OBGYN giving me Reglan and falling asleep with the pumps on a few times I gave up... with the FULL APPROVAL OF MY PEDIATRICIAN. She hugged me when I broke down in her office. She told me about her experience. Her first was a breeze and breastfed for 6 months; her second never latched and after 3 weeks went on formula.

    My son thrived on formula. I don't regret my decision at all. Ultimately you have to do what is overall better for your child... and that includes what is best for you too. Your child's care depends on your sanity :-)

    Answer by karesmile at 4:00 AM on May. 14, 2011

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