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Is she using autism to get her way? long

my babysitters sisters son is autistic and was just diagnosed in the past couple weeks. She watches my kid at my house a few days per week. well, she basically started taking advantage of our house by having too many ppl here everyday. she would have her sister, her sisters kid (the autistic one), sisters boyfriend and her mom all at my house all day!!!!! I had to put an immediate stop to it. it was just too much! I'm sure you agree??? Anyway, for the longest time she just wanted to bring the kid but there were some problems with him and my daughter and i had to address it by telling her he couldn't come anymore either. i mean, my dd was uncomfortable around him for a bunch of reasons. at that point we didnt' know he was autistic. So.... now that we know, she asked for permission to bring him "on scheduled days" blaming his conditionby saying he doesn't understand why he can't come and he "needs something to look forward to". Im sorry that he has this condition but why should that change anything about our arrangement? why should we have to "give him something to look forward to"? This is her job and its not her kid and the kids mom doesn't even work so its an a childcare issue! I feel like im in a lose/lose situation, if i say he can't come then im going to be labeled insensitive but if i allow him to come back my dd is going to have to deal with all of the issues they were having. What would you do? I'd hate to find a new sitter cause we've had her for years.

 
Mel_in_PHX

Asked by Mel_in_PHX at 2:17 AM on May. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,704 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • You've already made up your mind so nothing is going to change your way of thinking on this. The babysitter should understand your position and should stop bringing family and the autistic child to your home. I think that if she continues doing this you should express your opposition.
    Children with Autism don't represent a danger or bad influence for neuro-typical children. Just think about siblings of autistic children. The daughter of my dear friend is becoming a speech therapist. She says that she wants to help her young brother. She attends an inter ship at one of the local hospitals. Children with Autism need special care in a controlled setting. Your home is not the place.
    MMXI

    Answer by MMXI at 7:02 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • I think that I would say that it is hard enough on your daughter when you leave the house and that you don't want to make it harder. Right now she doesn't know how to deal with the sitter's nephew on her own. How about if you schedule a once a month play date when you aren't working. Maybe after work on a Friday or on a Saturday. That way you are there to help control the situation. I think the 2 children being together could be beneficial for both children. However, it should be done in a way that doesn't stress your daughter.

    I don't think that the babysitter is using Autism as an excuse. I think she is a very social person who wants to help her nephew. I am sure she thinks your daughter is happier having a playmate than not, regardless of what the actual situation is. I am also sure that her sister needs a break from the son with autism.

    If you compromise, maybe the situation will work out best for everyone.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 9:32 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • I would tell her you want her focused on your child while you are paying her to watch your child. I definitely wouldn't want her bringing him around if it makes your child uncomfortable for any reason! If she has problem with it, then yea, I would find a new sitter. You are paying her for a service.
    FatGirl239

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 2:39 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • if she was watching the children in her home it would be one thing, but the fact is it is YOUR home, and you are having her watch your DD at your home so everything is provided for your dd and the sitter.. not dd, your sitter, and her sisters kid. (autism or not). It's not against the child, by any means. It's about her doing her job while she is in your home. And if something happens in your home with this other child you could become liable rather than her or her sister.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:28 AM on May. 14, 2011

  • OMG this is a nightmare situation and I feel for you. This is SO UNPROFESSIONAL of your babysitter!!! Your home is not her place to entertain or bring family, autistic or not! You have to get rid of the babysitter and find another. As someone else stated, WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS WITH THE AUTISTIC NEPHEW AT YOUR HOME? ARE YOU INSURED LIKE A DAYCARE CENTER?!? BABYSITTER HAS OVERSTEPPED A LINE THAT, well, can you tell I am mad?! If it was me in this situation, I'd quit my job or go on leave until I could arrange a safe and controlled babysitter situation for my child.
    Whimsee

    Answer by Whimsee at 10:57 AM on May. 14, 2011

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