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4 Bumps

Did my dh do wrong or am i overreacting?

So a couple of days ago my DH days he's going fishing with me sisters bf on sat. Ok, I'm fine with that, I take it as an opportunity to hang with my sister who I don't see as often as I'd like. Friday night I'm at work and I get a text from my DH that my sisters bf invited us over that night to sleep there since they want o go fishing "first thing in the morning." Okay, well I work until midnight and I'm already tired but I want to go too, I don't want to be home alone with my DS, cause I rarely see my DH bc we both work a lot. Now again, im at work and will be there until midnight so I expect my DH who's as home with our DS to get things reay to go... I.E. the diaper bag, play pen, DS's food, and such. Instead I get home about 1230am to straighten up messes, take care of dishes, and get all of the stuff ready for the night. FIRST QUESTION: WAS IT TOO MUCH TO EXPECT THOSE THINGS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF?

Next, were at my sisters, no sleep until late, oh yeah and i gotta work Saturday night too but DH does not. 3 hrs later DH and sisters bf are heading out the door to go. No problem there except DS has woken up bc of the noise that's been made. Did my DH take 30 mins to change a diaper or give him a bottle? Nope... He does nothing. So here I am tired as .... And my DH doesn't even acknowledge our son so of course its my responsibility to go get him. And DH left. QUESTION 2: SHOULD I NOT EXPECT MY DH TO FEED AND CHANGE OUR DS WHEN I WORKED LATE THE NIGHT BEFORE AND HE DIDN'T AND I WORK THE NEXT DAY AND HE'S OFF?

There were no words said between us before he left so I tested him asking why its got to be my responsibility alone to take care of our DS. The responce I get is "you knew we were leaving first thing in the morning, sorry he woke up, damn" QUESTION 3: DID I OVERREACT?

I love my son and he's my responsibility, I know that. But I'm not the only parent here and i expect help every once in a while!

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kpincince

Asked by kpincince at 12:07 PM on May. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (89 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • You need to let your dh know your expectations of his parental involvement. Granted he should know it instinctively but he doesn't, so you'll have to tell him what you want.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 12:14 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Your son is both of your responsibility! He should help you out too! I don't understand some men sometimes. My BIL is like that to he thinks the woman should do EVERYTHING!! Oh man I hate that!

    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 12:16 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • You are NOT overreacting - I wud be that way too. However, in my experience men r always like that, so I guess u need to be ready for it. But feeling the way u do is quite in order.
    stace101

    Answer by stace101 at 12:23 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I appreciate everyone's input... I didn't think I was overheating but he sounded like he did. now he says he "can't take it anymore" i guess things are even worse than I thought. All I wanted was help.
    kpincince

    Comment by kpincince (original poster) at 12:38 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Sad to say, when men don't know what to do or they know your upset they over react again and say stupid bs like I can't take it anymore I hear this daily well almost and I don't like to complain either that its all my responsibility. Truth is all you can do is ask nicely please can you do this" and also don't ask twice if he can't remember the first time he will over react the second time or throw a selfish fit like a child and say something else stupid. Men aren't really mature til they're almost middle aged haha and you almost have to treat them like a child to get anything out of them - well help that is. I'm a stay at home mom and bf always thinks its all my responsibility which in reality it is but when help is needed its easier to act like you don't and show that you do by complaining to your self might show them the view of what your doing or going through and if they get off their butt to help or do something be :)
    BabyDoll1110

    Answer by BabyDoll1110 at 1:11 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Its time for you to tell him he has to help to. Just say it out.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:16 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I've never asked for anything from anyone since I was a child. I'm going to try if he will talk to me...
    kpincince

    Comment by kpincince (original poster) at 1:35 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • unless your husband is a mind reader.... you over reacted.


    No where in your post does it say "I asked him to do this and he chose not to"...


    it says "is it too much to expect"... yes, MIND READING IS too much to expect.


    Next time ASK him to do what you need done.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Question 1: You should have requested him to get things ready, that way he would have known to get things ready. He can't be blamed for not doing something you didn't ask him to do.
    Question 2: He should have made time for his son, leaving "first thing in the morning" or not, he is a parent too, and you are not in this thing alone. At the very least, he could have tried to be a little quieter so that your son didn't wake up to begin with.
    Question 3: You may have phrased the question wrong, and put him on the defensive, but the answer you got was also wrong. Son beats Fishing; you shouldn't have to do things all by yourself. I don't think you overreacted.
    M.Galvan

    Answer by M.Galvan at 2:23 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • you need to ask him what his problem is and tell him he didn't have no problem at all making the baby so why is it so hard to help take care of him ,, fyi family should be more important than fishing he should want you to go with him too
    alliep2011

    Answer by alliep2011 at 2:41 PM on May. 14, 2011

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