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8 Bumps

Advice needed please. Sensitive subject. Quite long adult content

I'll keep this as short as possible. I have 6 children, the 4 middle ones are from a guy I was glad to see the back of. He treated me like absolute sh1t. Trouble is that 2 of the kids I had with him were results of him raping me. They are also the spitting image of him. I have had persistant hassle from him since he got kicked out of mine. I also have constant battles with his 4 kids. Current situation has resulted in the toilet door being yanked so much it has come off the hinges. I have also had them sneaking to the kitchen in the middle of the night and stealing food (and before I get asked they always get plenty of food at mealtimes). I also have spotted my ex talking to a mate of his who then watched me as I walked by. Consequentally, I am now extremely paranoid and am constantly keeping the front door locked and chained. As a result of all this I am seriously considering giving the 4 kids I had with my ex to social services as everytime I look at them I can imagine my ex, so I won't be able to move on with my life and get over the trauma that I endured while with him. Please, please I ask only for advice and not criticism of any kind. I know that the kids can't help what their father was or how they were conceived but this is all driving me nuts. Thanks in advance for any help/advice that you ladies can provide.

P.S. my social services department are not keen to take the children. But I feel they dont understand the terror I'm feeling knowing he is still trying to cause trouble. They are (apparently) fully aware of the situation between myself and the ex but in their eyes they dont feel removing the 4 children would be the best thing to do. I suppose the only way for them to understand my situation would be for them to have been in the same situation themselves.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • If you really feel you are not raising those 4 kids right. Because they look like their father. Then see if you can give them up.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:15 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I think you will regret it if you give them away. My first step would be therapy. It sounds like you have post traumatic stress disorder, and behavioral therapy can help a LOT with that. If you are struggling financially there is often help at social services for people in your situation, and they can help you get the help you need for low or no cost.

    I really wish you the best. It sounds like the kids are sensing that you have animosity toward them and are acting out because of it. Get some help dealing with your PTSD and you may very well be able to parent those children like you want to.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you want to talk you can PM me. I have not been in a romantic relationship with an abuser, but I had abusive parents. I know it can be rough. I wish you all the best!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:15 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Therapy. Lots of therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • How do you feel about these kids? You must love them? Are they in danger? I guess not knowing some details makes its hard for me to say just give up your kids because I'm not one that would normally say that but if you really feel that is what is best for them and you maybe you should. I am sorry that this has happened to your family and hope that everything gets worked out where everyone is in a safe place.

    MommaErp

    Answer by MommaErp at 12:23 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Bump.
    SonyaNaomi

    Answer by SonyaNaomi at 12:24 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I agree with trying to get therapy first before giving up on the kids. *Hugs*
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:24 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • If he raped you, why isn't he in jail? Did he rape you twice to have 2 children or were they twins? I guess what I'm not understanding is how you're still dealing with him when he raped you. If you truly can't deal with the kids, then maybe it is best to give them up so that they can have a better chance at life than with a parent who has to relive the trauma looking into her kids' eyes. Think of the pros and cons and go from there. If you can get past these emotions, then stick it out. Definitely seek counseling to go through these issues and perhaps you and the counselor can come up with better options than just giving them up.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 12:36 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • try moving to a new area where he isnt and then doing a lot of therapy for both you and the kids.....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 12:37 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • i understand completely... been in a similar situation but not quite the same.. just similar. 1st off if u have been feeling this way for a long time maybe u need a break. a breather from all 6 of your children so u can think straight. u sound frustrated with their misbehavior and overwhelmed. go somewhere for at least a week or maybe more alone or with your husband, whichever u desire most. once u are alone a few days start thinking through your whole problem. everyone is different but this always works for me.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 1:41 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I would say move away with all the children. Go to counseling not only for yourself, but also with the children. Try to work through it all for as long as you can and as hard as you can. If the children haven't done anything to you physically, there is no reason to suggest they might. Maybe you could all benefit from a move to a new location, new situation, etc. Children are pure reflections of the atmosphere they are in 99% of the time. If they are around their father, they will be influenced by him. So I would say remove yourself from the situation and try to work through it with everything in you. Once you give your children away, there is no going back. You may regret it at a later date if you know you did not give it everything in you. Best of luck to you at this time.
    nikki111

    Answer by nikki111 at 1:55 PM on May. 14, 2011

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