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3 Bumps

Am I ready to leave him?

Things are not working out between my my SO and I. I think I have had enough. I feel horrible but I think the best thing now is to move on. The thing is, I don't know how to move on. I have been with SO since I was 18 yo. I am now 27. I don't know what to do.
I don't have a car. I don't have a HS diploma ( I am currently enrolled in school, and trying to obtain my HS online). I don't have any work experience. I have been a SAHM since DS was born. We have 2 kids. I just don't know where to start. How do I leave? I have no where to go. I have no family or friends. It has all just been me, my SO and our kids. So now I have no one to turn to. Where do I start? How do I leave and get out on my own? I have absolutely nothing.

Edit to explain further....

I am so scared to leave, because SO is all I have ever known.  But the thing is... I feel like he doesn't want me here.  I am tired of being ignored.  I am tired of not being one of his priorities ( I have certainly made him one of mine).  He has done so much to make me feel this way.   1, being that I have tried counseling with him, and he didn't even care enough to go with me.  2.  I am stuck in the house all day everyday.  I have no one to talk to but my children.  So when my SO is home,   I feel a little relieved that he is going to be here because I just need someone to interact with.  I just want to watch a movie or show or talk with him.  But he refuses to do anything with me at all.  If the kids are not here, he will go into the next room.  If I go in there, he gets an attitude with me, or he will leave the room.  Even on his days off, he would rather be doing something else or be somewhere else rather than to just spend just an hr with me.   I keep telling him we should go out sometime.  He tells me we will.  The last time we have been out, My DS was 2.  He is now 7 yo.    All it takes is for me to call out his name, and he gets an attitude and yells at me " what?!  I'm busy!"  I think ok maybe later.. later I walk by him and he is watching a movie or star trek shows on his computer.   So I wait until he is finished.  Then later I realize he is not doing anything so I go and tell him, lets watch something.  He gets mad and tells me he was about to do something else before I walked in there and said that.  then his big something to do is either watching TV, playing with the kids ( which is fine, but all the time? I can't be included?), or doing some other things.  I feel like he's avoiding me all the time.  I really don't think he wants anything to do with me, yet he doesn't want me to leave him.  Why?  What am I here for?  He would also sleep on the couch.  I mean is this what a relationship should be like?  From what I have seen it doesn't seem like it.  I see happy couples all the time.  Is that all just an illusion.   Is everyone elses relationship like this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • 1st way to start is to gain some self confidence!!!! u can leave once u put your mind to it and believe in yourself!!
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 1:33 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • You're right, but I just don't know where to begin, or what I should do. I went from being a teen to being with
    SO, so I have no experience.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:36 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • In other words, I feel kind of trapped
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:37 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • bump
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:42 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Where are your parents? I'm sorry I just need to ask 'coz they might be one of your options.
    filmom2ethan

    Answer by filmom2ethan at 1:44 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I don't know. I was in foster care since I was 14. My foster parents kicked me out a few weeks before my 18 birthday. They wanted nothing to do with me. A few weeks later I met SO.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:48 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • bump
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:52 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Maybe you can take you & children to a women's shelter that will help you get on your feet, gain the confidence you need to live life, and then you can live on your own.
    You could also start building your own confidence/self-worth by exercising more (releases endorphines to make you feel good and stuff), and do more things for you, to make you look/feel pretty. It does wonders for me whenever I paint my nails or decide to get those face masks (the mud ones or whatever) from the store.
    I'm also trying to get my HS Diploma online, and yea, its hard, it really is- and I can't even imagine doing it with kids since mine hasn't arrived yet, but its something you should work on at least thirty minutes a day, or even just ten. Once you have that diploma (or equivalent) you'll be able to do much more, and you'll be free-er to do as you please with your life.
    M.Galvan

    Answer by M.Galvan at 2:02 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • If you want to get out without a back up plan...I'd suggest go to a shelter and ask them. Going to school, getting a part time job and if you need to sleep in a shelter till you save up enough for a place...so be it. Section 8 housing or government assistance is another way to start. Not saying to rely on it, but to start and give back to the community later on if that's the case. Tell yourself you CAN do something if you put your mind to it. It does take time, but if you start building the bridge, you'll have something to walk on as you move forward with your life. Maybe communicate this with your spouse...talk it out or just make plans and once you wrap your mind around it...put your foot down and express what's going on in your head. G'luck to you and I do hope everything works out for you.
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 2:03 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Are you 100% certain you don't want to stay? I mean, have you tried counseling??? Sometimes when we have a low self esteem about ourselves it spills over onto your personal life, meaning, if you get your GED, maybe find a pt job and then work on yourself you may have a better out look on your relationship unless there is abuse or other things going on then yes, try to get out asap....From my experience like you had no money, no friends, etc... if you really want out, you will find a way, but until then, you will have to work on being able to support yourself and your kids on your own - finish getting your GED, find a job and put money aside and then say 6 months from now ask yourself "Am I ready to give up on this" if you answer yes, then its time to move on. I just don't want to see you act on a emotions....I hope this is making sense...its hard to give advice online lol....Been there and done that.....GL honey
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 3:06 PM on May. 14, 2011

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