Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Adoption Lingo

Soooo what is the latest....I have seen new ones here and there.

Are there are some you like or dislike? Is there any PCness going on or just a change in the times?? 

I grew up as an adoptee and I had a bio mom and had an adoptive Mom and Dad.

bouncing mom

Answer Question
 
ochsamom

Asked by ochsamom at 1:32 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,399 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • "first mom" - that one rubs me wrong, I'm a birthmom dangit, call it that!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • 'the gift' that one yanks my chain no end.

    BM- oookay- so you think so highly of my Mother- just call me a turd then.

    'in the best interest of the child' BS! just look at many of the posts here in adoption questions. Sometimes I walk away feeling like its ALL about exchanging a problem for a solution between you 2 moms. its not really about us at all.

    'theres tests for that' for when an adoptee has no medical history.......

    im sure theres more!
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 9:21 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I cringe when I hear someone say "do you have any children of your own?", as if I just borrowed my kids from the library. It's not really about being PC - it's about how it makes a kid feel when they get the message that people don't see us as a real family. What's worse is if adoptive parents distinguish their "own" from their "adopted" kids.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 1:09 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • "They could almost be brothers" that drives me nuts. Especially when they say it in front of the boys.
    kristen308

    Answer by kristen308 at 6:47 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • I do apprecate your comments and take them to heart so ty for taking the time. I think some people say things meaning well without thinking it all the way through. I've be guilty of it myself I am sure. I do distinguish on here between my adoptive children and my bio ones because it is relivant to the conversation her on CM and the adoptions are not final (one not even started yet). But out in public with my girls and now my lil boy, I have had cashiers ask if I was babysisting (he is hispanic we are white) and it did really rub me the wrong way. My 19 year old replies, "that is my baby brother." :o)
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 10:24 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • The word "real" does not belong in adoption. That one really gets me going.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:55 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • "it's about how it makes a kid feel when they get the message that people don't see us as a real family. "

    I think the issue is when people feel they have to say either the adoptive family must be emphasized as "real" to be validated, or that the biological family is "real" because it's the original family.

    Why the bloody heck can't an adoptee consider them to BOTH BE REAL?
    Mei-Ling

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 3:48 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I think the Adoptee, like you or I, can feel however they feel. Things aren't always so black and white. We all have different realities.
    ochsamom

    Comment by ochsamom (original poster) at 5:27 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • To Mei-Ling. Exactly!!!
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:32 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • I voted the first post down. Not because I prefer first mom over birth mom, because I don't. I voted it down merely because if you can't put your on-line name against it, it means nothing. You could be someone pretending to be a birth mom.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:35 AM on May. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN