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Issue with sitter.... advice please

I posted this last night but i'm still looking for more input

my babysitters sisters son, Collin, is autistic and was just diagnosed in the past couple weeks. She watches my kid at my house a few days per week. well, she basically started taking advantage of our house by having too many ppl here everyday. she would have her sister, Collin, sisters boyfriend and her mom all at my house all day!!!!! I had to put an immediate stop to it. it was just too much! I'm sure you agree??? Anyway, for the longest time she just wanted to bring collin but there were some problems with him and my daughter and i had to address it by telling her he couldn't come anymore either. i mean, my dd was uncomfortable around him for a bunch of reasons. at that point we didnt' know he was autistic. So.... now that we know, she sent me an email basically saying that now that we know she would like for us to learn as much as we can about the condition so we can interact with him. she went on to say that summer is coming and because of his condition he doesn't understand why he cant come to my house everyday and she requested a set schedule of days when he is welcome to come so he has something to look forward to.

Im sorry that he has this condition but why should that change anything about our arrangement? Am I wrong? why should my family have to "give him something to look forward to"? This is her job and its not her kid and the kids mom doesn't even work so its an a childcare issue! I feel like im in a lose/lose situation, if i say he can't come then im going to be labeled insensitive but if i allow him to come back my dd is going to have to deal with all of the issues they were having. What would you do? I'd hate to find a new sitter cause we've had her for years.
I'm willing to make a compromise but what is reasonable... once a month? I know she wants me to say "ok, bring him every Wednesday" but thats not going to happen.

 
Mel_in_PHX

Asked by Mel_in_PHX at 2:36 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,704 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • My son has autism so I do know how challenging it can be to deal with autism. As I read your post I could see that you issue is not with the autism, but the fact that your daughter is not comfortable having this child around her. I think it was very foreward of the sitter to tell you that you need to read up and learn about autism, and it was out of line for her to assume that her nephew can be over when she is babysitting. I think it is time to remind the sitter that she is being paid to watch your children- you are not paying her to entertain and 'babysit' her nephew. I think you need to talk to the sitter and remind her she is supposed to be watching and entertaining your children and tell her that her nephew is not allowed over. If she does not like it... too bad. Personally I think it might be best to give her notice and find a new sitter.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:50 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • There are many other sitters that would be happy to have a chance to work. The fact that she brought all those people to your house in the begining tells me she isnt considerate at all. I mean, who does that?????? You dont have to explain anything to her, just say "i've found other arrangements for dd as it was in our best interest to find someone who she is comfortable with, and that I dont have to accomodate there whole family" or whatever, but yah, you shoudlnt have to deal with that.
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 2:53 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I agree. You should start looking for a new sitter
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 3:38 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Definitely find a new sitter. I'm all for autism awareness and education and all that but this is her being a total jerk about it.
    FuzzybugsMommy

    Answer by FuzzybugsMommy at 3:45 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • sorry how your daughter feels comes first she shouldnt have to be uncomfortable.i know the son having autism can be hard but it doesnt mean your daughter should have to suffer.i would find a new baby sitter.
    MizzMejia

    Answer by MizzMejia at 5:25 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • find a different sitter if you are not happy with this crap
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 2:49 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I agree. Let her know it is no longer a good match between the two of you. care.com and sittercity.com are good sources. GL
    whitepeppers

    Answer by whitepeppers at 3:43 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • i agree too... im just nervous about someone miss treating my dd. Also, my dh likes her a lot but doesn't want to deal with the issues. he lets me do it. Ugh!
    Mel_in_PHX

    Comment by Mel_in_PHX (original poster) at 3:51 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Find a different sitter.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:20 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • HI

    I feel sorry for this child's situation and it is wonderful that his aunt is involved with his well-being. But this child is not your responsiblity. If your daughter does not want to be around him and is uncomfortable with him, then it would not be fair to force a friendship on her that she is not comfortable with. To do so will send her the wrong message, that its okay to allow others to enter her space and that she should be accepting, even when she doesn't feel okay about it. Don't make her a victim, this could open up the door to her being taken advantage of in other situations. So now, you have to make a choice and I don't feel that you're being insensitive about the child's situation. Explain to the sitter about how your daughter is uncomfortable around her nephew and has felt this way before anyone knew about his autism. You don't say how old your child is and does she have any understanding of his condition.
    jamie361

    Answer by jamie361 at 5:42 PM on May. 14, 2011

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