Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

I think my kids are making me ill

I'm not talking about little children here. I'm talk about my grown kids. My daughter has a crappy job and lives with me and her BF stays here too. My son is married and living here with his wife. They are always asking me for money. Five bucks here and five bucks there, its always we will pay you back on pay day. When their payday rolls around I usually don't ask for the money back. I figure they don't make that much. I realise I'm doing this to myself. I just can't see my kids on the street. My daughter helps me out when she can and both my son and daughter pay rent. Not much at all. My stomach has been hurting, I'm getting headaches . I feel like it is all stress related. My DH works hard to keep our family going, but he is at his wits end too. I am crying alot more these days. I want to go tell them to GET OUT so bad, but I just don't have the heart! Any ideas please?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Ok, so there are four adults living with you. Four adults capable of making a living wage. They need to get the hell out of your house. Give them a time frame for when they are expected to move. A couple of months is enough. They all need to be working. They could even go in together on a cheap rental property. You could help them find one. Yes, you are enabling them. Stop it. Stop giving them little bits of money here and there. Just say no. Get your DH to help you set limits with these big grown up babies. They all need to grow up, get a life and stop depending on Mommy. Have quiet discussions where you let them know the new rules and expectations. They won't like it, but tough. Your health is suffering and you need them out of there. Hugs.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 9:46 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • Give them a deadline. Tell them that they need to find a place of their own by such and such date. Don't give them anymore cash tell them that if all four of them (kids and their SOs) work hard as your DH does they can provide for themselves. They won't be on the streets they'll just find a way to work harder and make it happen when they no longer have a crutch.
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 4:20 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Sometimes you just have to cut the strings momma. The best way to learn is to LIVE and learn. Try throwing them out. If they actually live on the streets for more than 2 nights, then let them back in. I'm willing to be they don't even spend one night one the street. They will all of a sudden realize they have to take care of themselves. Amazing how that works.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:18 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Stop giving them money, they are adults and need to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:12 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Set a certain amount for them to pay every month and hold some of it back for when they move out. if they borrow they borrow from the money you set back for their move. St the date and tell them you will help them move.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:29 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • You have to be strong and stand up to them. By enabaling them you're hurting them. There is no reason why they can't work extra jobs if need be to get their own apt's. It's your home and it's time to set a deadline! GL
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 5:10 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Do they have a plan to move out on their own? If not maybe they feel as stuck as you. One thing that has helped our kids when they have had to move in with us is not letting them have a free ride. We charge them rent not a lot but enough. We have told them it is to help with expense which is sorta true but we take the money and put it in a savings account in there name after a few months enough is built up we can give it back to them so they can get out.
    jeric

    Answer by jeric at 11:22 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • you know i was once told this when our children are young they sit on our knees,but once they are grown they sit on our hearts.one thing i realize motherhood is one career you can never retire from,there's no 401k you jusy keep on praying that our kids get it togrther
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 10:50 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • Tell your son, his wife, your daughter and her bf to find a place to share because you're tired of taking care of grown folks. With the four of them they are sure to find a decent place to live...good luck!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:00 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Cut the strings. I have a 24yo and the other day we were talking about my nephew who lived with my sister until he was 24 and my niece is almost 23 and she still lives with my sister and he cannot understand it. He's been on his own since he was 18 as has his 23yo brother and his 20yo brother left for the Army 2 mos. after he finished high school (he was 19). His 19yo brother does sort of live at home because he's in college but for a large part of the year he's away at school and only comes home on school breaks & he works when he's home. My 24yo doesn't understand why anyone not in school and able to have their own place wouldn't do so unless all they wanted to do was sponge off of their parents. Parents today don't raise their children to be independent ASAP, they allow their children to depend on them long term because they think it makes them a good parent. IMO, it doesn't. Give your children a deadline to move out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on May. 17, 2011

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN