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Getting "fixed" if your partner doesn't want you to?

My dh and I are still young. He is 28 I will be 27 at the end of this year. We have 5 beautiful, smart and healthy children. I feel very blessed. I just started college and will be done right around the time my youngest starts school. I feel everything is right where it should be. I will be able to start my career, the kids will all be in school, and maybe a year or two after that we can start foster care (something we have always really wanted to do).... now I want to get fixed. I just feel things are perfect. We have 4 boys, and 1 daughter smack dab in the middle of all those boys. Yes part of me wants another girl, but I don't see it happening. And I want to be done so I can look into alabation (SP?) to help with my periods. We just had a miscarriage. I was good with the idea of having a baby before we lost it, but now that we have, I just want to be done. I don't want to wait another year, interrupt college and the flow of our life and be pregnant and miserable. DH says we are too "YOUNG" to make that decision. That he may want more kids.

IDK, how do we get passed this issue? I want to be done, because that procedure would really help me. My periods are sooo bad. Plus, we have 5 healthy kids... I just have this gut feeling that if we have another, we will be pushing our luck.

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Asked by daughteroftruth at 5:29 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,602 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I wouldn't want to do it at any age. There are too many things that can happen that can make us to change our minds. I especially would not want to do it if my husband did not want it done.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:34 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • My husband had a vasectomy the day after our second child was born. We had both just turned 26. I had an ablation at 29. We're both very very glad to be done. We were definitely both on the same page, and I think that's important. I would discuss it with him and be very clear about how you feel before you do it, but in the end, it's your body that would go through it or go through another pregnancy. You just want to make sure you talk about it and try to come to some sort of agreement before it's done, or else there might be some resentment. Good luck!

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 5:35 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Get stern with him. You made good points. Your health and being the best possible mother for the kids you already have is most important. More important than him maybe wanting more kids. It is said that the Mirena IUD helps lighten or even stop your periods. Perhaps that could be a route.

    I too am 28. Expecting my 5th. Hubby and I are having a similar argument. I want him to get fixed but he doesn't want to. We are continuing the discussion. Hoping to come to an agreement once baby is born. It's important that we hear each other out. The decision affects so many lives (parents and kids) so it's best to be on the same page. The same goes for yall. GL.

    Answer by keisha613 at 5:36 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • i dont know what to say...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 7:05 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I think the 2 of you need to sit down and talk about this and see if you could come to an agreement on what to do, or come up with a compromise. Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:39 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • You may want to look into a professional mediator, like a marriage counselor or something, just to have a neutral party. Sit down and explain to him how you feel in an environment that is calm and preferably child free. If you are going to be doing foster care and you already have 5 kids I think your feelings are beyond valid. You are going to be busy busy busy the next few years. Good luck:)

    Answer by BetcCarter at 10:46 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • I was a bit older when I had mine because my dh refused discuss a V. Even at my age ( I was 35) I still regret it! I think maybe you should consider alternative bc until you're a little older, even if you do have 5 children.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:32 PM on May. 15, 2011

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