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How do I talk to my 4yo daughter about sex?

She told me today that she wants to "have sex" with me. When I asked her what that means, she replied that its a dance people do when they love each other. Then she crawled up in my lap and tried to kiss me . I'm freaking out. I just changed the subject....but I'm still really uncomfortable with this whole situation. I asked her how she knew what it was and she said her brain told her. How do I give her a simple answer that will divert further uncomfortable situations. I'm pretty sure I'd DIE if she had done this with someone else in our family...and I really don't want that to happen in the future. Maybe I'm over reacting, but I really thought that I wouldn't have to have the sex talk for a few more years.

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stephanie73401

Asked by stephanie73401 at 6:21 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • There are some fabulous books on the subject. This is one I looked at a while back but didn't end up buying... http://www.amazon.com/Kids-First-Book-About-Sex/product-reviews/0940208075/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1.

    I looked at several others but don't remember the names. Just flip through several and find the one that best suites your needs. My fist question would be...Where did see hear about or see this 'dance? I think I would do ing some MAJOR investigating.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 6:27 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • You need to explain her body at her level and say sex is for people like mommy and daddy even if you have to explain it at her level.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:27 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I think you better find out where she heard this from. Is she in daycare or preschool? Does she have older siblings? Could she have overheard a telephone conversation you were having? It could be pretty innocent, or it could be a sign of a problem. It would be different if she asked where babies come from and you were pregnant. But the word sex from a 4 yo, that's pretty weird. I don't think I heard that from my son until he got into public school and he rode the bus, grade 2.
    dwmom2008

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 6:28 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Holy crap! Where is she learning this from?
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 6:28 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I'm a stay at home mom, so her circle of "friends" is pretty much limited to family and a few friends. Since we have lived in a new city for the last 9 months, the list of people dwindles even more. I've been thinking about it all day and the only thing I can think of is either TV, or her 21 year old uncle. Not in a weird sense either, just maybe that she has overheard him talking to his friends or girlfriend. Her father and I don't do anything more than kiss in front of her and she has never walked in on us. he only answer is that her brain told her what it was.
    stephanie73401

    Comment by stephanie73401 (original poster) at 6:34 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I agree with pink dragon. I would talk to her at her level about what it is! good luck mama
    kyheavensmom

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 6:39 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • her brain did NOT just tell her... there is more there.

    I would say... "it IS kind of like a dance but it is between a husband and wife for when they want to make a baby... so we can not have sex... you need to do that with your husband when you are ready to be a mommy." And leave it there... for now. But say it matter of fact so that she will not be concerned to ask more questions... give a little bit of age appropriate information that leaves the door open for more questions.

    I have a 16 yr old and we ALWAYS put sex into the context of marriage until she was old enough, mature enough, and had a VERY SOLID moral foundation to talk about the realities of sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • lol she maybe heard it from a song eg sexy dancing i don't think you need to panic kids pick up words but don't know what the mean


    my little sister told me at 5 was playing a "bad girls" and " when i'm your age i'm gona have drugs " at 1st i was really upset but then it turns out she thought drugs where big boobs haha .


    just tell you daughter sex is not a nice word it what married mummy and daddy's do and she not to use that word again untill she is married lol

    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 8:16 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • wow four?! I know the shock and awe has already been stated, but I'm lookin at my 5 year old thinking, he has NO IDEA what sex is... how does a little girl figure anything like that out?!

    I'd go with what most are saying... tell her its a special dance to share with someone when she's a mommy...

    My sons tell me they want to MARRY me a lot... and they'll "fight" daddy for me... but they think marrying me is kissing me (since that's our wedding picture on the wall lol). There's a definite line between innocent "I love yous" and asking about sex. You may wanna re-evaluate who she's around and what they say/listen to/watch on TV.
    livn4hevn

    Answer by livn4hevn at 9:22 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I def think i would b questioning uncle about his phone convos etc..bc the word sex is not ok for a 4yo..WOW..mayb she overheard some1 or saw something on tv but def try 2 figure out what she saw or heard.
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 12:40 AM on May. 15, 2011

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