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Do I tell my son that his bio dad has given up and wants to not be part of his life?

My son is 11yrs old and a few months ago I told him him ex is not bio dad. He was introduced to bio dad and has seen him twice which one of those he spent a weekend with him. But I laid out conditions to bio dad, like to visit him in our city, and pay some child support before more overnight visits with him. He has not come to see him and when I told him that we should set up payment plan and visitation shedule he said he didnt need to prove anything to me and that the decision is on my son. I dont trust him because he has not proved to me that he actually wants to be part of his life. He has two girls now and he seems to be really involved with them but he doesnt want to compromise and make an effort to meet me half way. He told me he rather move on then deal with me and that I should tell my son because I set up these rules. What should I do now?

Answer Question
 
mis3ninos

Asked by mis3ninos at 9:27 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • My daughter's therapist had me explain to daughter that her dad is very sick and can't see her. By the time she was 12 she figured out the truth, that he is sick in the head.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 9:40 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Did the Bio dad just find out that he is the father too?
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:49 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • @ Alanaplus3 :No he has known the whole time!! I was 19 when I had my son!! My ex and I got together when my son was about 2 years old when we got together and bio dad was not involved at all. So I had my son call my ex his dad. I decided to tell my son, because I thought it was the right time I didnt want to tell him when he was 18... I really thought bio dad and I could figure things out but he doesnt want to compromise he thinks my conditions are too much and I shouldnt put any out because I "kept" his son from him!! But bio dad never looked for my son or I, I found him!

    @ emmyandlisa, that's a good way to put it!
    mis3ninos

    Comment by mis3ninos (original poster) at 10:09 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • i would just let it be...just let it go. you have a good man raising your son with you. does your son want to continue to see his father? and if he doesn;t like your conditions i would get it in writing and have him reliquish his rights and have your husband adopt him. imo if he doesn;t want to do his part just move on.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:52 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Tell him, but not like that and maybe not at this age, but he should know.
    Kitkat61277

    Answer by Kitkat61277 at 10:57 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • IMO your son should be allowed to see his father regardless of if he pays. I think visitation and child support should be kept separate.
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 4:32 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • IMO your son should be allowed to see his father regardless of if he pays. I think visitation and child support should be kept separate..


    Exactly. You should not be able to hold your son's life hostage because you want child support. He is going to tell your son when he is older that YOU wouldn't allow visits because you wanted money and it will be the truth. This is very childish.

    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:23 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • tell him asap but even better, the dad should step up and tell him himself
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 10:06 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • 11 year olds are smart
    dont say it in a weird way just tell him the honest blunt truth
    but be sure to say its not his fault, its just that the dad is "incapable"
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 10:08 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Take him to court for the child support. Don't say anything to your son, he's old enough to put it together. If his father wanted to be a part of his life he would have done it no matter what your relationship with him is. Don't press the issue. I don't however think it's right to make visits contingent on payment. That's not fair to your son. If you want the money take him to court.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 2:35 PM on May. 16, 2011

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