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7 Bumps

How do you tell your 19yr old she is to young to get married and you want her to wait a year or two.

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jeric

Asked by jeric at 10:50 PM on May. 14, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (35)
  • Telling her she is too young isn't going to help you. If she thinks you are on her side it can help. If you or they are religioys there are a number of good books out on Preparing For Marriage. What should be discussed before hand. 2 yr, 5 yr, 10 yr goals together. Unless you are positively against the person she has chosen..speak with them both as a couple.Don't discourage the marriage. Encourage them to set themselves up to suceed. About money in the bank, job training, life skills in general, finace management. Religion, household goods, all these things take time and money to acquire. Let them know you aren't against them..just the timing. I told my youngest son 'if it is rightnow...it will still be right in 2 yrs. He didn't listen and was divorced 18 months later. Hindsight is 20/20. Good Luck!
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:01 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • She isn't too young. And yeah, I was 19 when my Husband and I got Married. If she is ready, she is ready. Telling her to wait (I.e. trying to control what she does) might push her away. Do you really want to take that risk?
    JIJsMommie

    Answer by JIJsMommie at 11:04 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I agree with JIjsMommie. I married on my 19th birthday. People thought I was making a huge mistake. To make matters worse (In their eyes) I was marrying a man 10yrs older than myself. We've been married for 13yrs and quite happily so. She is an adult. Let her make her own decisions and mistakes. Unless she is extremely immature I wouldn't worry about it.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:07 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • Exactly if it's right now it will be in 2 years. however they want to get married now so they say cause she can get a grant for school that way. We feel money shouldn't be the reason to get married. I know she is not going to listen to us Oh to be young again and know it all.. I think the hardest thing about being parents of adult kids is seeing the mistakes they are making and having to let them. We like the guy she is wanting to marry just want some more time for them to be sure this is what they want. Divorce is so expensive and if they have children their relationship will never be over just changed for life.
    jeric

    Comment by jeric (original poster) at 11:08 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • My MIL was 17 when she married my FIL and they have been married 40 some yrs now. I was a few months away from 20 when I married their son. We were together for 4 yrs then and now it going on 11 for us here in June
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 11:10 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • They could have children even if they don't get married.
    Octobersmom

    Answer by Octobersmom at 11:11 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • All you can really do is tell her how you feel. Just be careful how you word things because you don't want her to think that you are forbidding her. Do they both have jobs or a place to live? I got married at 18. We had no money, living with my parents, and both working dead end jobs. When we finally moved out of my parents house, we lived in a dump. It was really hard at first, but we made it through. If they don't have jobs or a place to live, tell her you just don't want to see them struggle to get started in life and that maybe waiting a few years so they can be financially ready for marriage would be better and that they would have more time to prepare.

    LeslieNBreaux

    Answer by LeslieNBreaux at 11:14 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I'd just turned 20 when I got married to a guy I'd met 3 months earlier, and we're still happily married 7 years later.

    HOWEVER...I'm a firm believer that the decision to get married should be made independently of anything else (i.e., money, children, pressure, etc.), and I'm well aware that my choice is not the right choice for everyone (like my sister...who did the same thing a few months after me, and her marriage lasted all of 4 months).

    Tell her (and him) how you feel. Make it clear that you're not trying to run their lives, give your reasons for thinking like you do, and hope they make the best of it. I agree that the worst part of having kids is having to let them make their own mistakes. I'm not looking forward to that. :(
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 11:17 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • In my opinion if u tell her that u could push her away..mayb suggest waiting and c if they have considered waiting 2 yrs? If they have been together several yrs whats the big deal? If she only knew him a few months I would say def talk 2 her..but Im not sure on the situation here. I agree with a few of the other ladies that have said letting them make mistakes is difficult, Im sure u r just worrying about ur babygirl:( but u have 2 let her go at some point...Good Luck
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 11:26 PM on May. 14, 2011

  • I got married at 19. We have been married for 4 years now. It is her choice I agree money is not the right reason but she could still do it. With or without your permission.
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 11:30 PM on May. 14, 2011

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