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They make me feel bad.. can anyone help?

I have 3 children.. one is autistic and the other two feel like the one gets more attention then they get.. what am I supposed to do?

 
EvansMommy31605

Asked by EvansMommy31605 at 12:15 AM on May. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,322 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • This is a tough one. I know that your autistic child needs extra help and attention. You didn't mention how old your kids are. In a way I can understand their feelings of getting less attention from you. I do know two families with autistic children, and I feel for the parents, because they need to spend so much of their time to help their autistic children, but at the same time their other children are young too and they need attention and one-on-one time with their parents. One of the moms has a very supportive circle around her. Her mom and brother specially spend a lot of time with her autistic son so she can spend time with her other son. Is there any way you can dedicate some time to each of your other two children so they feel special too? I wish you all the best. I know you have a difficult situation.

    Ashoonik

    Answer by Ashoonik at 12:30 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • You can only do the best you can do. No parent is perfect, and it is not an easy situation. The children may not recognize it now, but as they grow up they will know that they were all loved equally, but their special needs sibling REQUIRED more of your attention. It was not something you chose. They will know that someday. Until then, try to spend as much time as possible with them one-on-one, but don't beat yourself up.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:22 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • I can relate in a way. My youngest child has Down's Syndrome and my two oldest didn't realize when he was born that he would have special needs. Your child with Autism has special needs and your other kids need to realize that sometimes they may not get all the attention that they want, but let them know that you will try your best to give each of them some time with just you. I know that your hands must be full especially when you have another one on the way. I have three kids as well, two are grown and the other one is 12.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:27 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • Hello, I have 2 boys the youngest has a general anxiety disorder. Which can be similar to mild autism, my elders son once told me he felt that his brother got more attention than he did. I told him that he was right, and that it was not because I loved his brother more but because he needed me more. I told him how proud I am of him and what a great boy he is. He seemed to appreciate my honesty and under stood that I was there for him too. I hope that this helps you!

    1to8allboys

    Answer by 1to8allboys at 12:31 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • It is really difficult for the other kiddos in the home to understand the circumstances surrounding a child with special needs. I have 2 with autism (one PDD-NOS and one classical) and 3 typical children. My son with classical autism has to be treated differently than the others at times and the best I could figure to deal with it is to just explain to them the path he is on is different than the one that they walk. I use obvious examples such as my son eats dirt (PICA) and refuses food. I told the kids that he thinks differently than they do and sometimes we have to do things a little differently so he will understand. It seems to have helped in our house. I try to involve the others as much as possible too... we use ALOT of positive rewards charts - i will make the typical kiddos charts as well - that way they feel like they are part of what we are doing...
    daisypetals2000

    Answer by daisypetals2000 at 1:10 AM on May. 15, 2011

  • thank you everyone! sorry i didn't say how old they are.. my oldest is a boy and he's 9 .. then another boy his he's 6 .. then i have a little girl shes 5.. I'm pregnant with my 4th.. My DS with autism is my second child.. and i really do try to spend one on one time with all of them but the one just really needs the attention because he is so far behind the others in social areas as well as psychical. The other two kids just say ok mom.. i understand.. but i'm not sure that they do and it makes me feel like an awful mother.
    EvansMommy31605

    Comment by EvansMommy31605 (original poster) at 12:39 AM on May. 15, 2011

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