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2 Bumps

Online affair while we were separated? how to react ?

we were separated for a month. He found a girl on a vid game online and they were cybering most likely, cutesy emails...and she was planning to visit him in what would be a month but that is not happening now obviously.

I found this out cause of seeing things on the calendar that I did not understand then when I was cleaning up the house cause he destroyed it while I was gone I ran into papers, videos he made on webcam saying good morning to her etc. that were on our gaming system under movies cause our systems are all linked etc etc. He does not even know that I know.

I am not mad at him for it, we were separated etc. I just wish he would of told me and the fact he was planning to have her visit...

So how would you react? What do I say or do I just leave it alone since I know they are not talking anymore, he is not even playing that game.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on May. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Not to bad I mean he didn't meet her and you were separated and he obviously choose you! I have been in your shoes its hard to let it go but try to you may feel better if you ask him about it.

    Answer by saadamarie at 2:46 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • i asked him what is that on the calendar? its the date labeled she was gonna come and he just says "dont worry about it" so he is not lying, but he is hiding it. i understand why he is and i understand that it is not like it meant anything, more like an online rebound to help him during our rough patch cause we were close to divorce. i just dont want any secrets, i thought we got it all out and now i feel like he has a secret

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:50 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • well the question is what else is he not telling you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • He might have been afraid to mention it because he wants things to work out with you. You guys are really on shaky ground right now and maybe he thought that mentioning it would push you over the edge. He might also be ashamed of himself for jumping the gun on an affair so quickly. I'd say sit down and have a frank chat with him. Let him know that you aren't angry but you want to know what was/is/isn't going on. For you guys to work, you're going to have to be completely honest with each other and stay on that level playing field. GL honey!

    Answer by AnGLInterrupted at 2:59 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • It all took place online and they didn't actually get around to meeting? Let it go. I've been there before with DH. Confronting him just led to fights about why I was snooping and checking up and such. You've already been through a separation, which means your relationship is already on shaky ground. If you've both decided to give it another go, there's no reason to cloud it with unnecessary baggage. If he actually does hook up with her or anyone else now that y'all are back together, then that's a reason to confront him with your packed luggage (or his, depending on the situation).

    Answer by AmourSpork at 3:01 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Honestly if you are trying to work things out I would just let it go.

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 4:47 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Honestly I think you need to talk to him about it and make sure it is over. I would also keep an eye out to make sure he does not do it again (either with her or with someone else). My friend's husband did that- had an online affair and even went so far as to make plans to meet... and then my friend (who was pregnant at the time) found out about it. He ended it and 'swore' he would never do it again..... Yeah right! Two years later right after the birth of their 2nd daughter my friend found out he had been having another cyber affair (and had even met her in real life and had sex with her) and he was carrying this on during most of my friend's pregnancy!
    Needless to say my friend got smart and dumped her cheating asshole husband.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • It's really hard for me to keep something to myself if it bothers me. You could just let him know you know and that you understand but you just wish he would've told you. If he gets defensive just tell him you're not mad but you had to get it off your chest.

    Answer by tattooedmama126 at 6:06 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • normally I would wonder if it was a sign of hiding things, but in this case not really. You were separated as you said.
    he probably just things that it's something that happened before and it doesn't matter now. he probably thinks that you don't know and that telling you would only harm things.

    Up to you if you want to tell him you know, but keep in mind that he may consider your looking at things snooping, and a lot of guys would consider what happened during that time to be none of your business.

    Just be prepared! if you bring it up it may not go well.

    You're back together now, do you really want to focus on this? Something to think about.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 6:38 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Hiding it, IMO, is lying. You were seperated, and are now back together. I would sit him down and say, I asked you about this date, this is what I learned from the gaming system, I need to know why you didn't tell me? Use this conversation as an opportunity to clearly outline your expectations of the relationship in order not to seperate again.

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 11:28 PM on May. 15, 2011

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