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My new husband wants to have a baby...

But I have changed my mind, I am 10 yrs older and don't feel up to starting over. How do I tell him?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Dec. 6, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Wow! The previous commenters sure are reaching in their advice.

    OP, you just tell him you don't want to do it again and see what he says. It will open up the dialogue you need to have.


    Answer by sgr123 at 1:10 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I honestly think that that should have been discussed BEFORE you got married, if you dont want any more kids and hes young and DOES want kids dont you think thats gonna cause a problem?? Just my opinion, no offense.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Did you talk to him about having kids before you were married? I know it's your body and your life but if you talked about it before marriage, it's not fair to him to change now that you're married. At the very least he should be in on the decision.

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:03 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I think that, while it is your decision, you should be very aware of his want/need to have his own children, and as his wife, you should be discussing it with him. You are married now, there is no room for secrets. You simply just sit him down and tell him how you feel.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:50 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • If you want to get very realistic here ... It might be harsh but true. He may stay married to you for 10 years and then when he really, really decides he does want kids then he'll go find someone younger who still can. I am in your shoes right this minute and I chose to have a baby w him. Its scary to start over for sure and it is hard. Having a baby is a huge, life changing decision that wont just go away. so, if you really dont want to have another baby you should tell him now. And next time if you think of getting married maybe discuss this huge kid thing before you tie the knot!

    Answer by peppermintkathy at 11:56 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Tell him you'll have another baby if he stays home with the baby and you work. He'll decide he doesn't want a baby after all.

    Answer by runawaybunny at 12:01 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Is it a "deal breaker" for either of you? You have to consider whether it is something you are so opposed to that you are willing to let him go. Of course he needs to consider if he wants to make you have a baby that you may end up resenting (though likely, you will love it as much as your other children)

    Answer by mom2alan at 12:09 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • You said you changed your mind.... that's not fair to him. If it was a medical thing then that falls in to the whole in sickeness and health thing but I think you're wrong. I'd tell him how you feel, and offer to get it annulled if that's what he wants if you JUST got married. You should have SERIOUSLy asked yourself the same things then that you're asking yourself now. You obviously told him you would or you wouldn't have said "changed my mind". That's worse than a woman trapping a man with pregnancy because you're denying him the possibility of children if he doesnt' have any, and if he's religious then he'd be breaking a vow to God by divorcing you.... you are wrong.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:22 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I am 8 years older than my husband and I told him that I wasn't having anymore children before we got married. I wouldn't do that to him.If I had told him I wanted children before we got married and then said i changed my mind after marriage,He would have gotten a raw deal. Your husband is probably still young enough to want children and its not right to him that you told him you would and then changed your mind afterwards. Tell him the truth and if he wants out, let him go, and if he wants to stay, he's a good man.

    Answer by Kat122 at 1:11 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I know how you feel, I am older than my hubby and I was actually done having children in my mind. But my hubby wanted a child. I already had two. In the end, I did have one more for him because this was something he wanted so much. I am not sorry I started over, we have a wonderful 14 year old son that my hubby adores and is very happy. We did agree that no more children would come and made sure of that. compromise is part of marrage one way or another. If you do not want to have a child, find a way you both can be happy. Changing your mind may just cause a huge problem??? or not, communicate.

    Answer by blackcat66 at 1:19 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

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