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4 Bumps

He wants a divorce.... I'm devastated

Hello ladies! I'm so hurt right now, I need to talk to somebody, but I have nobody to talk to, so I'm posting here... Yesterday me and my husband decided to get a divorce. While it was a mutual agreement, I feel like such great pain, like my insides are shrinking at lightening speed and drying up. It started from such a stupid thing.... GOD - how do I cope with this??
In the morning everything was great, then he came to me and told me a nasty tone of voice that I put his pants in the dryer (he doesn't like to dry his clothes in the dryer). I told him that I was extremely busy (preparing for him to come home from a business trip-cleaning, cooking his fav. food, arranging for a surprize, etc.) and I didn't notice those pants among all the other stuff (all whites: towels, pillow cases, etc.). He demanded an apology from me, and I couldn't understand what do I need to apologize for, and refused to do it(now I think that If I would have apologized, none of would have happened...)
Then he called me crazy and told me F***k you... and left the house. I went to the mall, and while being there stopped by the bank and took $2500 out for an important thing that had to be done 6 months ago: I'm an immigrant, and need to apply for documents asap, because I haven't worked in 4 years, don't have a driver's license, etc. and he knows that this is extremely urgent, so we had conversations about this for a while now, and last time we spoke, we agreed that from this coming paycheck (yesterday's) I will pay the attorney. He on the other hand, has tons of debts, all in collections, and authorized to pay one of it ($4100) leaving our family without money, but he didn't discuss that with me. So, anyway, after I made that $2500 transaction, he called me quickly and told me I shouldn't have done that without discussing with him (he's known by everybody to have a bad memory - can't remember even his own bday) and then he told me f**k you again, blocked my access to our bank account, deleted me from all the places we had a connection in (facebook, linkedin, email, skype etc.). Then I came home and we talked and decided to get a divorce... I feel like that is the best thing to do, him on the other hand is chasing me around now saying he's sorry and constantly reaching out to me, but I don't know what to do, I feel so hurt, I cried my eyes out already, but the problem is: I can't trust him. Every time we have a fight, he does something stupid: either packs my clothes and tell me to get out, then begs me on his knees to not leave; takes my credit card and breaks it in pieces; blocks my access to our bank account; tells me nasty things like I described above; he even hit me once and went to jail for it (that's another long story)...
So, what am I to do? I have a 3 years old (not his), no place to go to, no job.... I completely depend on him and that's killing me... I know he loves me, and I love him too, but I think that that's not enough, I need respect and understanding... Even if we don't proceed with the divorce, I don't know how to live with him...

Answer Question
 
NataliaWalle

Asked by NataliaWalle at 8:11 PM on May. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (100 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • You need to get out, sadly it's not going to get any better. If he's hit you in the past he will again. Find a womens shelter, and start over. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:15 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I'm sorry sweetie. Wish I could give you good advice. ((((hugs)))
    Mel_in_PHX

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 8:16 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • i prob get loads of vote down for this but maybe you should stay with him just now but get a job and start keeping money aside and if it dose not get better then leave. that way the money you saved will allow you to get somewhere for you and your son

    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 8:17 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • oh i am so sorry that you are going through this, you really don't deserve to be treated like this and i think divorce is a very good idea. ask at your local church (or similar religous entity) about options. Maybe try family services for resources too good luck
    nurse_maya

    Answer by nurse_maya at 8:18 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • first of all, depending on your state laws, half of everything is yours, including your bank account. if your name is on the account as a joint-holding, he cannot 'block' you from it. (but with your immigrant status, that may be a different creek to paddle in, idk.)

    why would he curse you like that, all of the sudden? he's done it before, i'd bet, and there is something he's not telling you, or there's more to the story.
    see if there is a women's shelter in your locale..if so, go there and get some advice/info about your next step. (again, your status may cause a problem, idk.)
    don't put up with any man hitting you or treating you like this. i wish i knew what to tell you to do.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:18 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I would probably stay until I had a way to provide for myself. He obviously has anger issues, just don't even bother arguing with him (unless it is something you know you have to stand up for yourself on). Good time to think about getting a job and/or starting an education if you really want out.
    SonyaNaomi

    Answer by SonyaNaomi at 8:18 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • ????, i don't really understand.
    You deserve respect and should not have been treated this way, BUT I don't fully understand your question.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:20 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I would stay and sa ve some money and get myself tog n then tell him to f off
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 8:25 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I am sorry "(
    Mrs.Salazar

    Answer by Mrs.Salazar at 8:26 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I'd ask him to get help. He sounds like he may have some disorder like bipolar or personality disorder. They say one thing, do one thing and change the next. That isnt worth giving up a marriage for. So tell him he needs to go to individual counseling and then yall need to see one together. I am deeply sorry about this.

    Something similar happened to me with my exfiance. We had only been together about 7 months when i left because he refused to get treatment and quit drinking. But we'd be amazing one moment, the next he'd be screaming at me for nothing and packing my shit..then crying hysterically when I left.
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 8:33 PM on May. 15, 2011

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