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Why can't I handle him looking at other girls?

Yes, I am self conscious and low-self esteem, for many reasons. My heart aches every time I see him look at another girl, I don't look at any other people in that way...I don't know I'm sick of this!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Dec. 6, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Well first off your husband or boyfriend or whatever is not dead and he is going to look, everyone looks...... you cannot tell me that you dont notice attractive men!! Anyway also do something for yourself to get your self esteem up join a gym get your hair and nails done something!!!! You cant punish your guy for your issues and he is doing nothing wrong by looking!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 10:48 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Even without the self esteem isses, it just hurts me too bad when he looks at other girls, I know i shouldnt but I cant help how I feel and its seriously making me reconsider our relationship :( Whats wrong with me????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • It depends on HOW he is looking though. Just noticing is one thing, but actively seeking out "hot" girls to look at is another. If it is really a lot then he should cool it a little bit. Also if it is girls in real life versus girls on TV. Does your guy still try to make you feel like a beautiful woman also? He should be, no matter what you look like and you should make him feel hot no matter what he is looking like too. It sucks because we live in an over sexualized culture where he is bombarded with sexy images that none of us can compete with. I battled with this for a little while too,but try to remember that you gave him something that no other woman can, your beautiful children and a fabulous life together. Any man who think that a hot ass is more valuable than that is a moron! (and I am sure that's not your guy).
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:01 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • No matter how you look at it its an esteem issue..... is he like going up a talking or touching these women or honastly just looking??? It is like jaw dropping drooling staring?? Sometimes I see a guy that is really good looking and its very hard not to keep looking if you are in the same place for any amount of time, but at the end of the day im still going home to or with the man I love...
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 11:30 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • CONT.....I am 8 months pregnant and not feeling to hot right now and me and my SO went to a wedding last saturday and we were not getting along and at the reception i was being all bitchy and we was mingling talking to people he knows and I glanced over by the bar and he was chatting with this girl and I thought my head was going to blow off I was soooooo pissed.... well she was with her own BF and I realized that i was upset because of MY OWN issues and it was harmless and I over reacted sooooo Like i said no matter how you look at it its your issue and you have to get over the jelousy and your insecuritys!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 11:30 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Original poster: Just curious, are you postpartum? I went through something very similar when I was PP. DH seemed to be looking a little bit more also because we weren't able to do much physically with eachother. I told him it was bothering me because my hormones were crazy and my esteem was shot from feeling so unattractive. I mean I thought my body had changed for the worse when preggo, it was even more terrible when I had just had DS. It gets better though. I would really talk to DH if this is really getting to you. Not in a nagging way but just say "you know I can't really explain why, but this is really bothering me" maybe you just need to hear him say in no uncertain terms that you are the only woman for him. Let him know you are vulnerable, not trying to start a fight but just really hurting. If he's willing to talk it out with out getting defensive you will feel better.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:48 AM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Well, this is from a 49 year old. I am not dead and I do look and so does my husband. I don't drool, but, good gracious some men can make you want to drool. My husband is married to me, and I think it would be something wrong with him if he didn't look. He even looks at not so pretty women and says stuff like "she would sooooo much prettier if she did _________. He sees beauty in everyone. Its not his problem, he is with you and sees something in you. You could push hiim away if you say too much about this. do like what sacredmommy says, get yourself made up a little. If you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good you are alright.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 12:13 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I think there are definintly bounderies when it comes to men/women doing that. The reason why I say that is because I have been through the exact thing you have. My DH kept staring at other girls after we had been together for a while. I talked to him and told him I thought it was disrespectful to me and even the other girls to stare at their asses like they were a piece of meat. Well, he kept on. I wasn't that bothered by it at the time it just depended on what the girl looked like and what he was doing.

    Continued.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • If it was a girl who had everything hanging out and he was staring when his wife was right beside him it bothered me. I kept noticing still. He didn't bother to stop and even tried to wait on a girl outside the store with me in the car so he could look at her. He was pumping gas then was "pretending" to look for something in the back of the truck and staring up at the door on the store waiting for her to come out. I sat there watching him and suddenly it started bothering me more. I thought it he was so desperate to go to that measure of WAITING for a girl outside a store when his wife is right there something is seriously messed up..
    Continued again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I got extremely hurt and I said something to him. He denied it and we fought the whole way home because I knew he was lying and he was determined to make me believe he wasn't. Well months later he confessed. Then I started noticing him ignoring me when he was looking at girls..He would be so focused on them I could literally have to yell to get his attention. Then fast foward to now after all the sneaking, lying looking at playboy, girls etc etc..My self esteem is much lower and I am much more jealous because he kept doing it and only getting worse. Things that use to not bother me do now and if he would have just did what I asked and slacked off instead of putting all the pressure on me I would have been okay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

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