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Problems At Work

So I have issues and need some serious help. Please no negative attitudes.

This all started because my boyfriends best friend needed a job (after being a stay at home mom for years due to family circumstances not relavent to my problem). So I helped her get a job with me at my work. I then trained her and another new girl hired in at the same time. Then about a month ago the two of them were both promoted over me with in staff. I am not going to lie and say this didnt feel like a little like a slap in the face by the company. But I kept my head up and tried harder to be noticed. And as it turned out I was not being ignored at all I was just promoted from staff to a manager. They never intended to hurt my feelings or anything of that nature I was just being prepped for a higher position and they failed to mention it at the time because the person I replaced was still employed at the time and out of respect for her they didnt tell anyone.

Now that you have the back story here is the problem. The other employees namely my boyfriends best friend still treat me as if I am beneath them. She screamed in my face this morning in front of several staff members, was barking orders at me like a general in an army, and when I came around a corner later in the day she was gossiping about me and telling other members of the staff I would have never gotten the promotion with out her. I spoke to a manager above me (my boss) and informed her of the inappropriate behavior being conducted by her and other staff members. She said she was going to speak with the manager of those employees (I am not that manager I am in a different department now) She said I also now have the power to write them up if I should chose to take that route but she asked for me to allow her to try and correct the obvious disrespect for me before I try and fix it myself. But my fear in allowing her to fix this problem is this will farther show my lack of authority. And again this my boyfriends best friend causing a majority of the problem. I was avoiding tell him about the problem because I do not want to cause problems with in their friendship but when I finally couldnt take it anymore today and told him the whole story he said he had no intention of saying anything to his best friend but he would support me in doing what ever I had to do to do my job well and he agreed his best friends behavior was completely unacceptable and if it came to writing his best friend up in the end he would still support me and it would be no issue with our relationship.

What do I do? Do I let her and that departments manager try and fix it before I deal with it myself? What are some good and bad that can come from this that I might not be seeing because I am so close to the situation?

Answer Question

Asked by Newfie_Mom at 9:28 PM on May. 15, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 8 (220 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Work can be very stressful sometimes. At work your boyfriend's best friend is your coworker not your friend and that's is how you must think when it comes to making decisions. I don't understand why people think that the workplace is place to mingle. Then is when all the drama can start. At some point you have to talk to her and tell her what do you think. Don't worry about she might say behind your back. Gossiping is very common in the workplace. You have to make a decision with fair judgment Be the person with common sense (be the adult). Good Luck!

    Answer by MMXI at 9:54 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I think you are in a difficult situation, but that you seem aware of the predicament. You either handle it yourself and risk being the jerk to your social circle and making the work relationships a bit more strained, or you let the other manager handle it and risk them thinking that you are "taddling" and don't have the authority to do something yourself.

    Personally, I would go to them directly and let them know that your options if this continues are to write them up yourself or have their department manager do it, that their behavior is inappropriate in the workplace, and that it needs to stop immediately.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:59 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I have never been good at "social" situations. All my friends are by proxy of my boyfriends (they are all his friends that just happen to like me). I was chosen to be a manager because i do my job well, I dont play into the drama, and I dont complain down (staff complains to management, management complains to higher management, higher management complains to corporate NOT in the reverse direction), I am honest, upfront and I only have one face (what you see is what it is). All of this was why I was hesitant to help her get the job in the first place. But I believe you are both right. Though I think confronting her (not in a mean combative way just in general) will not solve the problem because when I tried to politely suggest alternate behavior to the staff as a whole at a staff meeting (the whole company not just my new department) such as do not complain where residents or their families can hear you ect. she laughed at me

    Comment by Newfie_Mom (original poster) at 10:08 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • And MMI: "I don't understand why people think that the workplace is place to mingle." this I have never never never understood. The girls will stand in the hallways talking about the bar they all went out to the night before and how drunk they got. While I am standing around the corner doing work going "really do you have nothing better to do than stand there and talk?" And seriously dont get me wrong I like to go out but having to many to me doesnt seem like something I would brag about, it would be that wasnt very bright next time I will know my limit. But maybe thats just me.

    Comment by Newfie_Mom (original poster) at 10:12 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • This is what I would do...I would schedule a conference call with the manager and her supervisor, tell them firmly while you appreciate them stepping in the help, you would like to handle this yourself after giving this more thought. One, you are the person being disrespected, so you will handle it. Second, now you are manager, it's your job to deal with personnel issues. You are owning up to your responsibiltiies. By informing them both, you are not stepping on anyone's toes. I would pull this woman into a conference room, (leave your emtions out completely), calmly tells her that her behavior from last week or whatever time was extremely disrespectful. She needs to stop or "I will find a way to make sure you stop". Say it with a smile. Next time she embarrases you again, say it calmly and firmly, I don't find your tone helpful. I don't see how this can help all of us do our job. Then leave.

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 10:23 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Continue ....she is a bully. You don't go back and forth with the bully. Just state your case, then leave. The calmer you are, the more infuriating she'll become. Whatever you do, keep your emotions out of everything. You will appear calm, cool and collected, while she'll appear like a ranting lunatic. Perception is everything in corporate America.

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 10:24 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Your right about bullies and she is one.
    also *update* i just got a call from my boss stating she got a write up for an altercation she had with another emploee today having nothing to do with me or my situation with her

    Comment by Newfie_Mom (original poster) at 10:41 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Someone is going to put her in her place. Give it time. Let management do their job first. Not many people would have gotten their BF's best friend a job. If he says he will stand behind you, let him. However his best friend has let her job go to her head. Yes, I do agree that she is a bully. But if it comes down to the point that she says you got her the job because of your BF, tell her that has nothing to do with it. Your relationship at work is not like it is outside of the workplace. They are totally different and should be treated differently. She needs to be reminded of that. Her ego has definitely gotten so big that their are probably more people out their with the same problem you are having with her. If she keeps it up, she may not even have a job anymore.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:11 AM on May. 16, 2011

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