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3 Bumps

What would make me so overbearing? Please help

Let me start by saying i have been through a great deal in my life. i am happily married but i am so overbearing it is not funny. I want my husband to spend all his free time with me and i have a hard time coping even when he is working. I am not sure why this is and we have talked about it before and neither one of us can figure out what could be the reasoning behind it. I didnt know if anyone else had encountered this problem or not. And just so you know there is no trust issue i just want to be around him 24/7 which is kinda crazy lol.

 
newlife627

Asked by newlife627 at 9:48 PM on May. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,778 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Try some introspection. Why do you feel you want to be around him? Think about it. Are you independant? Is it about not wanting to make choices you are solely responsible for, even on trivial things? Or could it be a deepseated fear of abandonment? There's lots of things that could be going on there. I'd suggest counseling. You seem very open about it, so a good candidate for counseling. You're not ashamed of it or being manipulative, so it might be something quite straightforward, all you have to do is identify it and work on it. Good luck! *hugs*
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 9:53 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Do you have friends or hobbies of your own?? Try finding something that you enjoy doing without him and do it.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:51 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Let me start by saying i have been through a great deal in my life.--

    maybe your answer lies within that statement. maybe you're afraid of losing him/the good life you currently enjoy???
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:52 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • You need girlfriends. Often in our adult life we expect our men to fill in for "girl" time. I suggest getting some acquaintances together and go out for coffee, to a show, to a community event, whatever. You are bored when he is not there because you are expecting him to fulfill too much in your life. Get involved in things you enjoy doing ( without him) . I too love being with my man, but you need independence as well to be balanced. PS The title for what you are is Co-Dependent. If you google it, there might be some good information and advice.  Good Luck.

    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:06 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I would say it would be good for you to go out and get back to work or go back to school---anything to keep your mind occupied and busy and productive ----something to be proud of ,something to make your husband proud of you. Its good to want to spend time with your husband but you need to be less "clingy" and more independent. Good luck!
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 10:10 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • i don't think it's trust issues, I think it's neediness issues.. you fear being alone or away from him..

    either way it's obviously related to something in your past so tlak to a councilor.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:33 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • i started out like that in our marriage and i did that the whole time we were just dating and engaged. what you have to do is realize that the consequence of being "overbearing" like that could actually result in what you're most afraid of happening i.e. losing him. and you also have to realize that when people are around eachother ALL THE TIME. it honestly doesn't matter who it is, you will get bored with one another and too comfortable. this is just what i had to learn. and once i realized those things, it got easier and easier to let him go so to speak. by that i mean let him go be his own independent person without me sometimes and i can go and do the same. trust me you can't continue down that overbearing path for too long before it starts catching up with you. it's good that you're able to recognize the abnormality of it and want to fix it and for that, i commend you :-)
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 11:20 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • It sounds like you are very dependent on him and you feel most comfortable when he is with you. Have you considered counseling for this issue? Do you have any friends, hobbies, interests of your own? If not why not develop a hobby, get a membership to the gym, or take a class (either educational or something for fun)--- do something that interests you. It will get you out of the house and around other people and it will help you to become your own person and also give your husband some space. Who knows you may even make some new friends as well.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:56 AM on May. 16, 2011

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