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5 Bumps

OMG... I just do not know what to do !!!! ( long )

I have been with my husband since I was 17 years old ... Our marriage was always the imperfectly perfect type ( like we would aruge, but make-up 10 mintues later) .... We own a home and we have 2 children ( 10 & 8 ), and have always been very family oriented ( we both have huge families and each are heavily involved with both)....

I sort of feel like he went through a year long mid-life crisis - it was like one day he woke up and started being cruel. Everyday was like walking on eggshells, he would call me names, threaten to divorce me, threaten to kill me, and constantly scream and yell ... and it would be over small things, like one time when he told me to get out of the house because I accidently threw away the water bill recipt.... Sometimes he would be hours late coming home from work ( which of course made me think he was having an affair) ...

I finally packed my kids and self up and moved into my moms.

During this time I met another man at work... never intending more than a friendship, we would sometimes talk at work and on Facebook.... he was always so respectful and sweet and caring and I got swept up in that because of how my husband had been for so long ( I had gone pretty much a whole year without even a kiss or a hug, let alone anything else ) ... One night while the kids visited their dad i went out with him ( first time alone -- other times we had went to dinner or lunch with mutal friends ) ... and we had sex. At first it felt nice and I just felt wonderful and then reality set in and I realized I was a married mom who just had sex with a coworker.

After that I tried to avoid him, he would constantly call and try to talk to me, saying how much he cared for me and such ( i liked hearing it, but I just felt horrible and didnt know what to do ) ...

Weeks passed and my husband and I had a long talk and decided to work on things ( he admitted to how awful he treated me and said he will go to counsiling or do whatever else it takes to make us work again ) ... I was overjoyed because our family was back together. Shortly after I even found out I was pregnant again and we were so happy ( we tried for #3 when our kids were still small but I had infertility issues) ...

Now we are to right now.... I had my first OBGYN appt and since I have always had funny periods ( I would skip months at a time and then have a little spotting) i couldnt tell exactly when my due date was so we did an ultrasound..... I am 4 months pregnant... meaning this baby HAS to be the other mans child. I am so upset ... I know the RIGHT thing to do is of course tell my husband what happened, and I also have to tell the guy and let the guy be a part of his childs life... and just hope it all works out ... BUT I also have part of me saying that it is just going to make so many more things worse... i would be at fault for splitting up my family again ... my children will soon be old enough to know what I did - everyone would know what I did... and it makes me think of things like Christmas... I would have my two older children going with their father and then my youngest going to their fathers...It just makes me so sick to think about it... I just dont know what to do... I am SO HAPPY to be having another baby but SO SAD that I feel like I am ruining ALL of my childrens lives...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on May. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • you do have to be honest with your dh. the chips will most likely fall where you don't want them to, and for that, you have to own up to your responsibility and face it. it doesn't mean you will get divorced..you don't know exactly how your dh will react, really.
    its always better to be truthful..the truth will come out anyway, and it will be uglier at that time, if you aren't honest now.

    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:01 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • WOW....that is a tough one. So there is absolutely NO WAY it could be your husbands??

    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 10:02 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • What would keep you from not saying anything?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I don't have advice to share but will offer a hug .

    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 10:04 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Wow...That is heavy what I would tell you is to tell him. You don't sound like the type of person who likes to keep secrets like that. But you do what you think is right for your children and then yourself.
    RedDahlia82

    Answer by RedDahlia82 at 10:04 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • yes the baby is definatly not my husbands... I am 4 months along, but my husband and I didnt start having sex again until 2 months ago...

    and I understand it is obvious he will know because when he knows the due date he would be able to figure it up, not to mention when i go to work I am sure the other guy will notice my growing belly .

    I KNOW I will tell both of them... I dont know I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest beforehand....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:12 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • actually I'd find out for sure through tests if the baby is the other guys before I brought anything up to my DH. you can do a paternity test before the baby is born that's the route I'd go it would save you a lot of heart ache and sleepless nights!!!!! you may as well be 99.9 % sure before you go messing with your family's future...

    traren

    Answer by traren at 10:19 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • i,m sorry for your situation but you really have to tell both men.. i wish you the best
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:27 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • I think you should be honest with your hubby if your trying to really work things out then it will be painful but you dont want your marriage to be built on a lie especially if the child is the other mans.If your husband loves you than you can work it out its not like you fell in love with some man and ean of you had a one night affair with someone. i know it will be tough I hope it ALL works out and good luck and enjoy the new baby!!!
    mammaangelof4

    Answer by mammaangelof4 at 10:38 PM on May. 15, 2011

  • Honey i am so sorry. I've been through the cruel/negligent husband phase. When you tell him make sure the kids aren't home. You need to have no distraction. He might understand why you did it but you must get counseling. They can help you both process the situation and lay a path to follow to make your marriage work. Good luck.
    tattooedmama126

    Answer by tattooedmama126 at 10:49 PM on May. 15, 2011

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