DH and I have both been stressed and frustrated. We have house projects that need to be done, and I can no longer help with I'm 36 weeks pregnant and we have a 5 year old. Anyhow we had an argument Thursday, which to resolve he chaulked it up to just my being pregnant and hormonal. Which added to my, I am never going to be heard!
Because things haven't been done at the house my mom injected herself and pissed him off Friday. Friday night I snooped a bit and found inappropriate emails on his facebook with a former coworker the theme was "pretty much why didn't we hook up," and she said she would've if she wasn't attached, and it didn't bother her he was attached as long as they didn't get caught because she didn't like drama. I was pissed. I checked his email account, then call record and texts on his cell, there was nothing else. This email exchange happened Friday afternoon/evening when DD was amusing herself, and instead of doing the yard things he said he was going to do (I was napping because I had made an emergency trip to the hospital because of blood pressure issues).
I was pissed. Hurt. This isn't the first time either. Before our wedding I had found an email exchange with someone he was friends (which means had a crush on) with in high school. Conveniently he doesn't seem to remember we covered emails/emotional cheating/etc. then. As we did when he was still going onto dating websites well into our relationship, though he said this weekend the profiles were still there but he didn't go on them.
We have been married for about 4 years, we have been together for almost 8. In our first year of dating (we met through online dating) it was a mostly sexual relationship, casual and out of convenience. He cheated on me in that first year, oral sex with an ex, I found text messages. We took a time out, initially I was going to leave but I decided that as long as the relationship changed, he put in plenty of effort into the relationship and regaining my trust, etc I would stay with him. So the worst part of this is I regret that decision. The next part is I feel he needs serious reprecussions.
When I woke him up to go over this, I told him I wanted a divorce. I told him I have been so frustrated for so long, but have been willing to communicate, keep trying etc, but if he would like to look at my last straw it was up on the computer screen in case he couldn't figure out on his own what I was talking about. I told him I wanted a divorce, and had the page with what paperwork was required for our state pulled up on the computer as well. I am quite emotional normally, let alone pregnant, but I was extremely calm to the point I think that scared him. We had minimal sleep that night.
He apologized, said it didn't mean anything and nothing would've happened. Then he asked if there was any way to save this.The next night when we were trying to talk things out I asked him how he thought this would be salvageable. He then said he didn't tihnk it was that big of a deal, and if I had some understanding. How can he be sincere in an apology one day then telling me he doesn't agree with it being cheating the next? I told him I was sick of this pattern, sick of sticking around just to get hurt continuously, and that I was sick of going through these episodes with him telling him what I want him to say/do/etc so that he parrots it back and things get okay for awhile.
DH is a wonderful father, and I don't want to tell my family or even my best friend/anyone in our immediate circle because I don't want them to judge him forever. That's not fair to him, or our children. I told my mom I would like some help rehoming our puppy, and that I want to leave him, and she went on "both of you need to work on a marriage...." I did confide in one of my friends, and she told me not to do anything to drastic, and to consider not leaving with the baby coming at any time now.
Sorry this is so long, but I really don't know what to do. Do I leave? Do I wait? Do I wait and hope he listens to me that I want him to do something, for him to come up with how to save this, work on this? Do I tell him we need to schedule a follow up conversation and go over this with him? I am so not optimistic this is going to change anything but I don't want him to think he can do some ass kissing and all will be forgotten even if I do leave. Then I look at how close DD and he are, and how can I not give my baby that opportunity? Perhaps instead of leaving we can create a coparenting, cohabitating agreement, but I don't want to offer that yet either.
Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by onemellowmom at 2:47 AM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:58 AM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by Ronnies_Girl at 3:06 AM on May. 16, 2011
Honesty is important. If you cant be honest with your spouse, who can you be honest with. I would leave, you have put up with this for far too long. Good luck
Answer by ILoveAsherAthan at 9:47 AM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:55 AM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:37 PM on May. 19, 2011